Mom4Life

Halloween Safety Tips from Parking Pal

 

The following safety information is provided by our friends at Parking Pal:

 

 

*Don't assume drivers are being extra careful because it's Halloween!

*Drivers are preoccupied with their cell phones even on Halloween!

*Never cross between cars parked on the street!

*Carefully watch cars parked in driveways. Assume someone is in them ready to back out!

*Watch for cars being driven without lights. Drivers do drive from house to house without their car lights on!

*Be aware when children are frightened they run. Direct them never to run into streets!

*Put reflective strips on sleeves, pants, hats or candy bags. Very inexpensive at the hardware! 

*If driving through neighborhoods make sure children buckle every time they re-enter the car!

*Don't let children exit the car until your out first!

*Have children exit to curb side when possible!

*Carefully watch so your children don't get into a strangers car!

 

Remembering Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

October has been designated as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month", with October 15 as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day".

I got an email today from a mom named Emily from Stepping Stones Blog that also knows this lost first hand.  She put to words so well my own thoughts.  She said:

How many people go about with no awareness of this topic at all?
 
I know that until it happened to me I had no idea that babies sometimes died. With modern medicine and all the prenatal testing available how on earth can something like this occur? Sure, it happened back in the pioneer days and maybe still in third world countries. But here in the US? In 2009? How can it be that nobody talks about this?
 
And I ask you. How many newspaper articles have you seen this month? How many news features? Magazine articles? Billboards? Emails? Facebook updates? Ah. Well, there you go. Little by little, one by one, we add our voice to those that talk about it.
 
Those who have never had to deal with this sad topic prefer to go about naively. And I don't blame them. I wish I could. It is a sad subject. But once it happens to you, once you have lost a child, you know there is something sadder still. That your baby will be forgotten. Ignored. That people will pretend that they never existed. And that, for me, is what awareness is about.
 
Spreading awareness to me is sharing my child. Saying his name. Educating folks that instead of being silent, all they need to say is "I'm so sorry". Awareness month to me is knowing that I am not alone in remembering my boy. Through memory walks, balloon releases, kindness projects and lighting candles others remember him with me.
 
I invite you to participate tomorrow in a 'Wave of Light'. At 7pm your local time light a candle and place it outside for an hour. And know that you are not alone in remembering your child.
 
I also invite you to stop by Stepping Stones Blog tomorrow and add your baby's name to our list of children we are missing. Together we can help each other not to feel so alone. 

I also invite you to leave a note here with your baby's name and anything else you might like to share to help us remember them with you.

Sending out ((hugs)) to those of you who are missing the hug of a very important child--yours.

7 steps to organizing your child's art

So you have a little Picasso in your home, art work is created, amazing, priceless pieces of art, one after another. . . at some point you have to decide exactly WHAT you are going to do with it.  I am both a minimalist (I have no problem de-cluttering) but I am also sentimental.  Here is what I did to create harmony between those two seemingly incompatible personality traits:

1) We have a large, plastic bin labeled "Old Art" in our hall closet. 

2) Each time my kids create some art I put their name and date on the back and it goes in this bin.  If they come home with some art from school or Sunday School, it goes in the bin. 

3) At the end of the year I pull out the bin and sort through the art pulling out the ones that I think best show their abilities or those that were most sentimental or that they particularly liked. 

4) I scan them into my computer or take a photo of them.

5) I upload the images to MyPublisher and create a digital book with the photos I uploaded. 

6) I order a copy of the book and send the digital version of the book to grandparents for them to view for free.

7) We send the original artwork to friends and family when we send them letters or with Christmas cards.

Below is the front cover of the book we did of Hunter's art last year.  It was the first time I did this project.  I labeled it and added the date.

 

The inside pages are a mix of both art and photos from his school year.

There are several benefits of organizing my kids' art this way.  First, we are creating a book of THEIR work.  It is a special book that they enjoy looking at again and again and are proud to show friends and family.  Secondly, we are blessing others with their art by sending it on.  Third, we are keeping our home free of "extra" stuff while also placing value on their art.  Fourth, we have a back up should the book get damaged that we can easily order another.  I enjoy scrapbooking so this format also makes it easy to print of physical prints of their art for layouts or I can tuck their "art book" in a pocket page.

My next project is to get a magnetic strip put up in our home as a place to display their art before it goes in the bin:).

What do you do with your kid's art?  Any other ideas to share?  Have you used sites other than MyPublisher that you would recommend?

Aunt LaLas Log by Rosie Bear

When Hunter was born I tried to do everything by the book.  I took note of his schedule, I tracked his foods and started him on solids the day they said I should, I determined to avoid toys needing batteries, in short I was going to be the perfect parent and raise the perfect child.

When Ashlyn was born I scrapped the schedule, put off solid foods as long as possible for the ease of breastfeeding and determined that I was not the perfect parent but that my kids and I were perfect for each other.

Now that Quinten has entered the scene I am falling into our happy balance.  One product that has been especially useful for me is the Aunt LaLas Log by Rosie Bear.  This simple yet clever book offers an easy way to record the useful facts from Quinten's daily routine. 

• 90 pages of daily charts that include special columns for jotting down feedings (breastfeeding or bottle feeding), naps, dirty diapers (pee or poop) and a misc. column for noting any medicine or milestones.
• General Information Page for writing down emergency contact info
• Ouchies Pages for noting any medicine administered
• Growth Chart for noting how much a baby is growing
• Comes in Stardard or Twins versions
• Every Aunt LaLa’s Log is lovingly made by hand with 100% post-consumer recycled papers and non-toxic glues
• Made in the USA

I keep it right by his bed and make a note when he wakes up, when I put him to bed along with any other facts that I want to keep track of.  It helped me to see that he was in constant routine during the day of sleeping for an hour then being awake for an hour and feeding each time he awoke.  Knowing this has been helpful and when possible, allowed me to encourage longer sleep times.  I like that it spiral bound allowing it to easily lay open and flat.  I like that there are several things that I can keep track of and that I can do it quickly and easily.  I also like the cute and simple style (mine is the Birds of a Feather design).  I wouldn't say that I do things by the book anymore, but this is one book that I have found to be useful:)!

A year filled with a thankful heart

Today I turn 31.  I have been thinking a lot about the past year and am filled to overflowing with gratefulness at this last year.  What an amazing blessing it is to look back and have a year full of GOOD, HAPPY, JOY FILLED moments to remember!  It seems like it could be considered my first full year of joy since we mourned the loss of our sweet Sawyer.  God is so good and His faithfulness continues through all generations! (Psalm 119:90)

A few of my favorite highlights from the last year:

October 5th 2008: Celebrated my 30th birthday with friends at a spa (and also got my nose pierced)!

October 2008: Found out we were pregnant with Quinten!

March 2009: Enjoyed the spring after a LONG, cold winter

May 2009: Remembered Sawyer's birthday on the Washington coast on Mother's day

June 2009: Quinten was born!!!!!!!

July 2009: Trent's parents come to visit, meet Quinten and help us with some home projects

July 2009: Planted our yard

August 2009: Celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary (note Hunter in his Spiderman costume;)

September 2009: Traveled to Vegas with friends for the ABC tradeshow to find new products for Mom 4 Life (note Quinten in his BabyLegs;)

I don't know what the future holds, but I DO know who holds the future and that will continue to give me joy.  Thank you God for this last year, I trust you with whatever time is left to come.

Milk-Saver follow up

Not too long ago I shared with you my first experience using the Milk-Saver by My Milkies.  I felt I needed to follow up with a design flaw that I discovered--they are too comfortable!  Let me explain:

The other day I was nursing Quinten and collecting milk on the other side with my Milk-Saver.  When I finished feeding him, because the Milk-Saver is so comfortable, I forgot that it was "in" my bra on the other side.  My typical routine is to change Quinten's diapers after I feed him so I leaned over to put him on the ground and "splash" all my saved milk split out onto him!  At first it  took me a second to figure out what caused the mess, I thought he somehow spit up really quick;)!  Once I realized what had happened I thought,  "Ok that was funny, now I know I won't do that again:)!"

The next day I was sitting on the couch thinking about it and deciding that I should blog about it so you could share in my funny mistake and no less than 10 min later I did it ALL OVER AGAIN, talk about a short memory! . . .

I will finish up with a comment sent to me by Mom 4 Life, Heather J. about her Milk-Saver

"I just bought the Milk-Saver from you guys, MAN, I LOVE it! It's so wonderful! I love being able to save the milk for baby oatmeal, or when in-laws keep the kids, etc!  I will be telling my friends about it!" ~ Heather J.

Seeing value in the void

One month ago tomorrow marked our 10th wedding anniversary.  To celebrate, we renewed our vows in the company of friends and a sea of kids (amazing how many more kids were around at this vow renewal as compared to our 5th anniversary:).  For those of you who weighed in on which dress I should wear, I did go with "Option A", thanks for your input;)!  To view more photos of our day, click here.

In addition to our vow renewal, we planned a getaway together (for the first time in a very long time).  We dropped off Hunter and Ashlyn at Grandma and Grandpa's house and with Quinten sleeping soundly in the backseat, drove to Seattle.  Seattle holds a special place in our hearts.  It was where we first officially declared our "like" for each other during the summer between our Sophomore and Junior year of college.  Previous to this trip we had been communicating via email, many long distance phone calls and letters (complete with mix-tapes and cleverly packaged in home-made envelopes such as paper plates and cereal box covers).   During that time we had communicated openly on virtually every topic, except how we felt about each other.  At the end of the summer Trent flew out to visit and I picked him up at the Seattle airport.  He came off the plane holding a shoe box which creatively contained a bouquet of wild flowers.  He had hand picked the flowers for me out of a neighbor's yard (the back story to the flowers is really fun but I will stay focused here).  Since it was not only his first time on an airplane, but his first time near the ocean (he was a mid-West boy thru and thru), I decided a walk on the piers along Puget Sound was in order.  Trent came up with the idea (which likely was his clever excuse to hold my hand) for me to close my eyes while he led me and described our surroundings.  I remember the fun of that simple game.  To have an 'excuse' to hold on tightly to his arm, straining to pick up all the auditory clues around me but having one strong voice to focus on right beside me.  That "blind walk of trust" was not only unique but a great chance to get a deeper glimpse into his playful personality.  Later that evening with the romantic glow of the street light bouncing off the pavement, we stood together and confessed that we liked each other.  When I admitted that I had been unsure of his feelings toward me, I remember him raising his eyebrows,  clutching his heart and falling backward onto the quiet street to display his disbelif.  In retrospect, it seems silly that I questioned it, but I hadn't wanted to assume that he saw me as more than a friend.  Had I assumed and been wrong, I would have been crushed.

Now after ten years of marriage, we found ourselves once again re-walking that same path by the pier together, still arm in arm, but this time adorned with Quinten and a decade of time shared between us.  As our feet strolled along, my mind seemed to skip and fumble back over the years, recalling in a few moments the monumental milestones that we have journeyed through together.  And as if my memory were a cul-de-sac, it easily routed itself back to thoughts of Sawyer.  Although time has stretched the frequency of my thoughts toward him, he is never far from my heart. 

At the end of the weekend, on our return trip home, we stopped to refuel the car and feed Quinten.  As I sat in the front seat of the van at the gas station parking lot, I took note of my surroundings.  It didn't take me long to decide that this hot, barren town was not a place where I wanted linger long.  No sooner had I written this spot-on-the-map town off in my mind, than a sign in the adjacent vacant lot caught my eye.  "Future Site of 102 RM Luxury Hotel" it declared boldly.  Had I been taking a drink of water, I would have likely caught myself choking as I scoffed in disbelief.  "Are you kidding me?" I thought.  "A LUXURY hotel right here?  Who would plan such a site?" There were other areas, some not too far away, that seemed much more appropriate for such grand plans, why here on this barren, desolate land tucked behind a dirty gas station?  Then, as if God himself were speaking to my mind (and I believe that he was) came the answer: Because someone sees value and hope in what I see as void and lifeless.

Suddenly my mind started to see connections that had been invisible before.

Going back to that first late-night walk in Seattle: had any other person in the city of Seattle asked me to walk blindly by their side, I would have quickly fled.  However, because Trent wanted to lead me and because I trusted him, I was willing to walk forward--eyes closed--toward an unknown destination in faith.

I believe that we are all being led, by our beliefs, our opinions, our prejudices.  The question is, do the things that we hold onto deserve our trust?  Trent is indeed trustworthy but more than that and at a much deeper level, God is asking each of us to reach out and grab a hold of Him. 

And just as I hadn't been sure of Trent's affection toward me after all the time we had shared together, I think we are often guilty of either misunderstanding God's intentions toward us or clearly missing His attempts to show us how deeply He loves us.  He has revealed Himself to us in more ways than we recognize and reached out to us in ways we have not credited Him with.

God, like the builder planning the luxury hotel, sees something valuable in us that we may not even know is there, waiting to be built.

I believe that for myself, God wants me to step out in faith and write a book about my journey of loss and healing.  I see myself represented in the photo below after losing Sawyer, a barren, dry plot of land with a sign promising great things to come.  I believe that God was faithful to build upon that empty land and construct something within me that could serve to point others to his faithfulness.  My hearts' desire is to offer my story of His faithfulness to others who feel barren and full of grief.  It is my hope that they will in turn, reach out and grab a hold in faith, allowing God to lead them and discover something new being built within their desolate place.

I humbly ask for your prayers of wisdom, guidance and direction as I begin this process.

(The photo above is the "Future Site of 102 RM Luxury Hotel".  I knew I needed to take a picture of it to help me remember the lesson I had just learned.)

Layered Zucchini Quiche

We moved to Idaho a little over two years ago.  At that time, the land surrounding our home was nothing but weeds.  Now we have a lawn (as of a few weeks ago) and this is a huge improvement that we are totally enjoying.  Perhaps next year we will be ready to do a garden.  We just have to figure out the best way to discourage the deer from coming to eat our goodies.  We are looking into some automatic sprinklers that are motion sensitive:). 

This year Trent did plant some tomatoes in pots by our house and we are loving them.  We have also had a few generous friends to give us some of the bounty from their gardens.  Zucchini seems to be a vegetable that everyone has extra of this time of year.  I knew about zucchini bread and like baked zucchini with salt and cheese on top but other than that I wasn't too sure what to do with them. 

It turns out that my mom has an entire cook book with nothing but zucchini recipes in it.  It is called (appropriately) The Zucchini Cookbook by Paula Simmons.  When I searched on Amazon I discovered that one is pretty expensive but there are others that look to be the same concept for less than $10.  As I was flipping through her book and making note of some recipes I want to try (such as lemon cookies-yes with zucchini in them) I found a clipping of a recipe tucked in the pages that caught my eye--Layered Zucchini Quiche.  We had it for dinner tonight and both my husband and I thought it was great (my kids, not so much).  In fact I am nibbling on it now as I sit on the couch writing this:)!  I wanted to share it with you because it uses a good amount of both zucchini and tomatoes (two things many people have plenty of right now if they have gardens).  Try it and let me know what you think!

Layered Zucchini Quiche:

2 slices bread (white or whole wheat)
1/2 pound zucchini
1 T. Butter
1/2 pound tomatoes (cut into wedges)
1 t. oregano
1 t. dill weed
Salt
2 T. flour
1 c. cottage cheese
2 eggs
3/4 c. sour cream
1/4 t. pepper
1/3 c. grated Romano cheese (I used Parmesan instead)

Cut bread diagonally in half.  Overlap around edge of a 9 inch pie plate or shallow 1 1/2 quart baking dish.  Slice zucchini.  Saute in butter over med/high heat.  Stir for 3 min.  Add tomato, oregano, dill weed and 1/2 t salt.  Bring to a boil.  Let bubble, uncovered for 3 min.  Mix in flour.  Spoon into bread lined pie plate. Mix cottage cheese, eggs, sour cream, pepper 3/4 t salt and half of the Romano cheese.  Spoon over vegetables.  Sprinkle with remaining cheese.  Bake in 375 degree oven for 25 min or until it is set in the center and just a tad brown (mined cooked about 35 min).  Makes 1 (9 inch) quiche.

Organizing my recipes

I am a self professed organization junkie.  Being organized makes me feel so happy!  Several months ago I was at a MOPS meeting and the speaker was talking about organization and she offered several great practical ideas on ways to organize your home.  I left with a spring in my step and grand goals of things I was going to implement.  I would like to share some of them with you over the next few months.  Today I will share one of my favorites for the kitchen.

When Trent and I got married I started a binder of recipes that I liked or wanted to try.  Many of these were from pages torn out of magazines or recipes that I printed off the computer.  I bought a 3 ring binder and page protectors and simply inserted the recipes into the page protectors.  This concept worked pretty well and did get the recipes from getting dirty.  However, there was no real thought to how they were organized in the book and I often found myself searching to find my favorite recipes from among those that I had not yet tried.

The idea that I got at the MOPS meeting was to purchase two 3-ring binders and put page protectors in each of them (this time with tabs for categories such as "main dishes", "breads", "desserts", etc).  Each 3-ring binder would be used for a different purpose.  One was for "Recipes that we LOVE" and the other was for "Recipes that we have not tried yet".  Separating the recipes into these two books and into tabbed sections made a huge difference for me.  I can now quickly and easily find what I am looking for and it is also easy to know where to file new recipies.  Also, as I try new recipies from the "Recipes we have not tried yet" book I now either file them into the "Recipes we love" book or throw them away.

Below you can see what my 3-ring binders look like.  I purchased them at Office Depot and took them home and used my scrapbooking stamps on the spines.  You could also simply write on the spines or print off labels on your printer and glue or tape them on.

Fit + Giggles Postnatal Exercise DVD = one good workout!

We are giving away a Fit + Giggles postnatal exercise DVD on our facebook fan page tomorrow (Friday) and so this week I have been working out with this DVD to get really familiar with it.

I will begin by saying that I have been doing our "Get Fit, Have Fun: M4L Challenge" for just over a month and working out 4-5 days a week.  I can tell that my postnatal body is getting into shape.  Apparently this gave me a cocky attitude because when the DVD started and the warm ups began I found myself worrying that this exercise DVD would be too easy.  I shouldn't have worried. 

Trent was getting dinner ready (isn't that awesome) while I worked out with Quinten in my Moby Wrap baby carrier and Ashlyn by my side.  I had neglected to read the back of the DVD case to see how long the DVD lasted.  Around 20 min into the DVD, I told Trent, "I am sure it is almost done."  10 min later, I was still working hard.  10 min later I paused the DVD and looked on the back of the case and discovered that it is 70 min long!  I then realized that this DVD was created to be creatively customized by the viewer by providing 7 separate quick and effective segments that can be squeezed into an already busy schedule (so just choose a few each day depending on how much time you have or do a section in the morning and one or two at night)--those mom inventors are always thinking!  In fact even the exercises are broken in to short bursts (many with a 30 second countdown clock in the lower right hand side of the screen).  What I like about this is that it is like taking baby steps, each segment is short so I found myself saying "ok I can do one more".

The thing that I loved about this workout DVD was how mom focused it is.  It was created just for US and it shows.  All of the exercises are designed around movements that we do everyday.  By taking these movements and effectively focusing on those muscle groups we can strengthen muscle and improve flexibility in the areas we need it most.  Secondly, I loved that Fit + Giggles is designed to be done WITH your baby.  Some segments had me holding Quinten in my arms (I opted for a baby carrier) while others had me lay him on the ground with me while I did a series of push-ups in a segment called "Kiss Your Baby".  Lastly, I enjoyed knowing that one of the creators of the DVD (Sandra VanGilder) has a doctorate degree in physical therapy.  It was good to know that the exercises were so skillfully thought out with a degree to back them up:)!

If you are pregnant or have had a baby in the last 9 or so months, I would highly recommend that you consider the Fit + Giggles postnatal exercise DVD to be a part of your workout routine!

Want to see a one minute preview of the Fit + Giggles postnatal exercise DVD?  Click here.

Ruby*Love Baby Books - an end to my baby book writers block

I love to write, I love scrapbooking but I do not love keeping baby books up to date - is that strange?  I forget to write down the important dates, I feel bad if there are blank spots that are not filled in, I often can't find one that suits my style. . .

Enter Ruby*Love Baby Books = Happy smiles by me: the look is modern, unique and fits my style. 

I love this baby book.  Not only is it cute but it is smart. 

• 52 custom-designed pages
• 14 month calendar with stickers (pages within album)
• 20 blank pages for scrap-booking, photos, or  journaling
• printed on natural 80lb, coated, acid-free, archival cardstock on an eco-friendly oil free commercial printer
• fabric cover accented by a ribbon and button closure

The 3 ring binder style makes it super easy to remove a calender page and keep it on the side of my fridge.  This allows me to make quick notes about Quinten's weight gain (which he does a lot of: on Sept. 1st he weighed 14 lbs 11 oz) and firsts (such as finding his hands: Aug. 13th).  When the month is done I pop the page back in the book and pull out the next one. (By the way, the cute photos on my fridge below are custom magnets that I made by simply gluing photos onto business card magnets).

There are also cute round stickers that allow me to signify important milestones (such as 1st time sleeping through the night: Aug. 15th).

If Ruby*Love Baby Books seem to be a good fit for you too, you are sure to find the perfect book from the selection of cute boy, girl or gender neutral options.  There are even extra page packs that you can add (Pregnancy, 2 year old, Outings and Holidays)!

Artwork worth framing!

I have been meaning to have my kids do some artwork that I could frame for quite sometime.  I finally decided this would be the week, no more putting it off.  First, I thought I would make homemade finger paint and let them create some art and I would frame it.  The recipe is easy:

Homemade Finger Paint:
3 T Sugar
1/2 Cup Cornstarch
2 Cups Water
Food Coloring

Mix sugar and cornstarch and then add water.  Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until well blended and thick (you can also do it in the microwave according to the cookbook but I didn't try it).  Divide the mixture into portions and add different colors to each portion.  You can also add a tsp. of powdered detergent to help remove the paint from clothing.

When I made this I think I cooked it longer than needed and it became too thick.  It was still usable and the kids had fun but it was clumpy on the paper.  If any of you try it and have better results if you don't cook it long please let me know.

My initial plan had been to let the kids use this finger paint to create a painting on scrapbooking paper (or any paper that is acid free so that it won't yellow over time) and then to let it dry and frame it for the wall.  Because the paint was too thick I came up with a "plan B".  I went to Target and purchased a frame with a mat for Hunter and Ashlyn.  I opened up the frame and removed the mat.  I placed it on their Piggy Platters and allowed them to paint it any way that they wanted to with their crayola paints. 

We allowed the mat to dry and then I marked it with their name and date.  Then I chose a recent photo of them and placed it in the mat and put it back in the frame.  The end result turned out really awesome.  I love that I have both a personal art piece but I also see how old they were at the time that they created it!  I decided that they turned out so well that I purchased another frame for them to paint as a gift for my moms birthday.

Celebrating one decade together

Happy 10 year anniversary to us!

I am still jumping for joy that we are married:)!

P.S. This photo was taken before our ceremony.  My mom is in the background behind me and was very nervous that I would fall and skin my knee - I am pretty laid back and was sure that it would turn out fine:).  Trent only looks higher because he wasn't wearing a 10 pound dress - plus I was already on my way down from the jump;).

Sleep, Exercise and Dresses

Hi Friends:), I wanted to take a moment to update you on two exciting events that took place this weekend. 

 
Today Quinten turned 2 months old and his dr. told me that around 2 months he would be "ready" to start sleeping through the night.  I had no idea that Quinten was listening when this was discussed as the last two nights he has slept solid all night long from 8/9 PM - 5/6 AM!!  Isn't that amazing?  I couldn't believe it.  I was so thankful that in the morning he woke me up and I didn't wake up first and look at the clock and realize how late it was or else I would have been pretty scared wondering if he was ok for a moment.  I don't "expect" this pattern to continue every night but I will sure enjoy it when it happens!  Quinten still sleeps a ton during the day but when he is awake he is such a laid back baby, so content.  Hunter and Ashlyn continue to dote on him and shower him with kisses and love--to the point that it is comical at times.  He weighs over 12 pounds now.

As he is gaining weight I have been working on losing it.  Since starting our "Get Fit, Have Fun: M4L Challenge" at the beginning of the month, I have lost 3 pounds and 5 inches.  I have been working out almost everyday for about 20-25 minutes and drinking at least 64 oz of water.  I am finding that working out right after the kids go to bed at night is a good routine for me most days.  I have been doing the 30 day challenge on my EA Active Wii game and I can really tell that I have been getting more in shape and having more energy which feels GREAT after being pregnant for so long and having so very little energy.  There are a lot of nice benefits to working out at a gym but working out at home is nice for me since we live about 20 min outside of town and not having to add any travel time onto my workout is great. On the days that I don't do my workout at night on the Wii, I have been using Lullaby Exercises as it allows me to workout while wearing Quinten in my baby carrier (I have been using my Baby K'tan, Peanut Shell or Maya Wrap lately).

This week I am going to also be adding the Fit + Giggles Postnatal Fitness DVD into my routine for days that I am not working out when the kids are in bed. 

Fit + Giggles will also allow me to workout with Quinten so I am excited to start using that as well. 

I have not worked out regularly since before Hunter was born so this month has been quite a change for me.  I am realizing however, that to work out at home for 20 min is totally doable for me.  20 min actually goes by fast and is so worth the benefits that get enjoyed for the rest of the day.  When the kids are around while I am working out, they try to do it with me which is also fun (for them as well as me).  I would love for you to consider joining us in the challenge on our facebook fan page if you are not already.  Full details are found here.  It is going until the end of next month so you still have plenty of time to jump on board and see some good results.  We have already had moms reporting that they have lost anywhere between 2-8 pounds so far this month which is awesome!  We also have extra non-fitness challenges that are helping us in other areas of our life, weekly giveaways and of course the grand prize from Belly Bandit so that makes it even more fun!

This Friday Trent and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary!  On Saturday night we are going to be having a small get together with a few friends and renew our vows.  I am trying to decide between two dresses to wear.  One I bought for $0.25 at a yard sale-and at the time it was a little too small, now it fits;)!  The other I paid retail for.  I will post a photo of myself in both dresses this week on our facebook fan page and ask for your opinion on which one I should go with.  After you guys weigh in on your opinion, I will tell you which dress is which:).  Have a great week!

P.S. I have added several new songs to the playlist on the blog, hope you enjoy them!

Reverse Plaster Hand (or foot) Prints

I am having lots of fun over on our facebook fan page as we work our on daily challenges.  For 8/13 our challenge includes this fun project below, come join the fun!

I love this recipe for making plaster hand prints.  Rather than the traditional hand imprints, this recipe creates a reverse 3D effect with the hand print.  Another great feature is that your child's hand never touches the plaster, only the playdough mold that the plaster is poured into.

Supplies needed: 

pie pan or some other dish in shape you want (I used a yogurt container and cut the sides shorter)
playdough (see the recipe below)
plaster of paris* & something to mix with (I used a paint mixing stick)
water
paperclip or other hanger (I used a ribbon)
watercolors/brushes (optional)
*if you don't have Plaster of Paris you can try making it yourself.

Step 1: Make playdough (see recipe below)

Step 2: Squish play dough into pan, filling it about halfway.  Play dough needs to be deep enough for child's hand to make adequate impression in, but leave enough space in the pan for the plaster to make thick frame around (at least 1 inch thick) Smooth it flat.  I found that if I wet my fingers it helped to make the play dough surface more smooth.

Step 3: Take child's hand (or foot) and press firmly into playdough. (No wiggling fingers!) Here's the beauty of this version, if you mess up simply re-smooth the playdough & start over (I had to)! Also, in other versions the child has to touch plaster which gets hot as it dries & could be dangerous but here, child never touches the plaster!  You may wish to mark on the outside of the container at this point where you want your hanging ribbon or paper clip to be placed because once you pour in the plaster you won't be able to see the print anymore to determine this.


Step 4: Scratch (backwards) any name/date or message you want on the project into the play dough.  Or, you can print off this info on scrapbook paper (so it won't yellow over time) and wait until step 5 to use it.

Step 5: Prepare plaster of paris as instructed on package. Pour plaster into mold. Tap bubbles out.  Unbend paper clip & press halfway into still-wet plaster, for hanger (or insert ribbon ends).  If you opted to print out your child's info on paper, you can now gently press the edges into the plaster.


Step 6: Allow to dry overnight. (Or per instructions on plaster package).

Step 7: Remove playdough & use an old toothbrush to clean off the plaster.  You can now allow your child to paint their plaster hand (use watercolors for tie-dye effect) or keep it white as I have done.

Play dough Recipe:

1 cup flour
½ cup salt
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
Combine above ingredients in a large saucepan.
Gradually stir in:
1 cup water
2 tablespoons oil
1 teaspoon food coloring
Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly until a ball forms. Remove from heat and knead until smooth.

The exact measurements are not vital...Since small children rarely get it exact, and it always turns out fine. This recipe gives you the basic recipe...it won't make much dough...you might want to triple or quadruple it.  Store it in large ziploc bag (squeeze all the air out) and it'll last for MONTHS. Another cool thing you can do is add a scent to it! Try the extracts . . . peppermint, almond, vanilla, etc.  Just like a tsp or so is usually plenty. And I like to let the kids play in it as soon as its cooled enough to not burn them, but still warm. They love that!

Here is a no-cook, no cream of tartar recipe that Mom 4 Life Susan B. shared with me:

4 Cups Flour
1 Cup Salt
4 T Oil (vegetable)
1-1/2 Cups Warm Water
Several drops of food coloring (optional)
Knead it together and you are done!

At first, don't give them any tools/toys, allow them time to explore the dough with just their hands. Then, if you want, I would only give them very simple tools, you don't need special playdough tools either, just pick up some odd cutting/rolling type things at yard sales or thrift stores! Examples:

plastic knives/forks/spoons
straws
very dull pizza cutter (or toy plastic one)
toothpicks
Popsicle sticks
cookie cutters (just basic shapes...circle, square...)
tin can (use tape on edges)

Use your imagination!

It's also fun to give them small plastic animals/people to use with the dough. Cars don't work as well because the wheels get gunked up.

This fun project comes from Tina Smith
www.fresnofamily.com
www.mommychats.com
www.tinasmagiccottage.com

'mavella' ice cream, 12 pounds & new grass

It has been a while since I checked in:).  I have been having a lot of fun with our "Get Fit, Have Fun: M4L Challenge" and haven't been posting on here as much, sorry!  Here is a quick update:

Today was Hunter's 6th birthday. 
 
I am amazed that he is 6.  Here are 6 highlights of him right now:
-He says "mavella" instead of "vanilla".
-He is amazingly affectionate to his brother and sister.
-He has to make his bed, get dressed, clean his room and work on his handwriting before he can play his Wii for 15 min each day.  He does this really, really well 99% of the time and if he doesn't, no big deal, just no Wii!
-He loves to take showers and pretends to "skate" on the bars of soap.  He prefers to wear goggles while he washes his hair to keep the soap out.
-He has been taking swimming lessons once a week for about 6 months now.  He is progressing very well and really enjoys it a lot.

-He eats pizza and quesadillas top down, layer by layer.
 

Quinten now weighs a little over 12 pounds (he was 7 pounds at birth on 6/16).  He is eating well (obviously:) and sleeps good too.  Most nights he wakes up once between 3 and 4 to eat and then is good until around 6-7 AM which seems fantastic.  I go to bed late most nights so the fact that he isn't up every 2-3 hours like Hunter was as a baby is really wonderful.  Quinten's eyes are a very dark blue and we think they are so pretty (Hunter and Ashlyn both have dark brown eyes so blue is a treat).  His hair has thinned out a bit on top and he has a lot more awake time now.  He is a very contented baby and his cheeks are OH SO kissable.  He gets the hiccups a lot.  It was daily for a while but just lately it seems he isn't getting them quite as often.  (Below he is laying on his beautiful Yaya blanket personalized with his initials.)
 

We have had some really exciting progression in our yard lately.  When we moved here two years ago the land was totally empty and full of weeds with no landscaping.  We recently Hydro-seeded and the grass is coming up really nicely.  We should be able to mow it for the first time in the next few weeks and then we can really start enjoying it!  The photos below were all taken off our our back porch overlooking our back yard.  The first image was after Trent mowed the VERY tall weeds down the first summer we lived here.  The play yard was put in the first summer we lived here, the patio, rocks and trees were put in last year and the grass this year.
 
 

 
 
 
 

I am feeling very blessed.  My family is amazing and my cup is full.  I have been focusing on some fitness goals lately (mentioned in a previous post) and can tell my energy is returning.  My next goal is to make my time with God more of a priority.  I can tell that when things are good in my life, my response is to be grateful but not as active in my quest to seek my Savior.  I pray, but not fervently and my time spent reading the Bible is here and there.  I am filled with gratitude that God gives me GRACE.  That my salvation is not dependent on fulfilling a list of duties (such as reading my Bible every day).  There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more and there is NOTHING I can do to make Him love me less.  Therefore everything is simply a response to my gratitude for what He has done for me.  It is easy to feel too busy and too tired but I realized today that if I can make room for 20 min workouts I can be more proactive in my time with God.  Not because I have to, but because I want to and on days that I may not want to, I pray that God will give me the "want to".  I will post again in about a week and let you know how I am doing in this area.

Food freedom: my backstory

Today is the second day of our two month "Get Fit, Have Fun: M4L Challenge".  I was excited to see the goals of those of you participating posted on our facebook fan page yesterday.  If you missed yesterday but want to join in the fun, you are welcome!  Each day I will post 3 challenges on the facebook fan page and as you complete them, you post on the wall letting us know.  Part of yesterday's challenge was to come up with your fitness goals for the next two months.  I wanted to share mine here:

My goals for the next two months:

• To lose 12 pounds
• To get back into the habit of exercising
• To gain enough energy and strength to mother my kids with enthusiasm
• To fit back into my "pre Sawyer" pregnancy clothes
• To drink enough water each day
• To experiment with more healthy recipes

As I was getting ready mentally for this challenge I began reflecting on my life and where I have come from in the area of fitness and food.  I felt encouraged to share my background with you because we all have areas in our life that we struggle or things that may be hidden in our past.  I am no different, however, I feel so grateful that I am not where I once was and I am hopeful that you also are able to have freedom from the fear of food.

As a child I was fortunate to have a mother that took care to see that my brother and I were offered healthy food and given plenty of opportunities to be active.  Unfortunately, my mother has had an ongoing struggle with her weight all of her life.  Despite the healthy food and regular exercise afforded to my brother and I, even as a young child, I couldn't help but take notice of my mother's weight struggle.  I decided early on, that her struggle, would not be my future.  Unfortunately, what was modeled to me by my mother (regular dieting) shaped my outlook and when I was in grade school I started sneaking her herbal diet pills to school.  A well meaning friend told my teacher and when I was confronted, I lied and told my teacher that they were vitamins. 

The diet pill phase was thankfully short lived.  However, the mindset behind it was not.  I recall a male high school classmate telling me that if I was just 10 pounds lighter, I would look a whole lot better.  Stupid isn't it how those comments stay with you and can motivate you for all the wrong reasons?  I was motivated alright and starting with 10 pounds seemed as good of a goal as any.  Although fasting is something that the Bible encourages us to do, I am sure that it was not intended to be a weight loss method.  I would regularly do "liquid diet" fasts for that purpose alone.  In college I had access to a gym on campus and I began working out on a regular basis.  In fact, it was common for me to workout daily, both morning and evening.  I even got a campus job in the weight room which allowed me to workout during my work hours.  Looking back, I believe that I was "addicted" to exercise and that it had become too large of a focus in my life.  In fact food in general seemed to rule my day.  The amount of thought that was spent on food was ridiculous.  In class I would find myself mentally calculating what my next meal would be comprised of and consequently, the amount of exercising that would be necessary to work it off.  Sadly, I had a friend with the same unhealthy outlook on food and together we only made things worse for each other.  We would workout at the gym and talk about the amazing foods that we would never dare eat.  Over time, it was my friend who introduced me to the idea of taking laxatives to lose weight.  Thankfully, that was something I only tried once (trust me, it wasn't pleasant). 

Just because the laxatives were abandoned, didn't mean the desire to try to "cheat the system" to lose weight was gone.  Over time,I was growing tired of my self imposed restrictive diet (although I would never call it dieting, I was simply "cutting back" on my food intake).  I opted to try the other extreme--overeating and then throwing up (otherwise known as binging and purging).  I was aware that my behavior was not healthy.  However, I was also convinced that I was smart enough to avoid the potential pitfalls.  As one example, I would brush my teeth right after throwing up for example to try to avoid the stomach acid damage to my tooth enamel.  I was convinced that I could beat the system and somehow, someday have the skinny body that I wanted.  I was not willing to admit that food was controlling my life, I was trying so hard to keep control over it.  I have a memory of a time that showed me otherwise.  I had a good friend that was going to be performing in a music group on campus.  I had planned to attend the show.  However, I got tied up (throwing up) in my bathroom and missed most of the performance.  That day stood out to me.  It was the first time I was really able to see that I was missing out on things because my focus on food was so warped.

It wasn't until I began dating Trent during my Jr. year that I was forced to start opening up about my food issues.  I knew that if I was going to be in a relationship with someone who needed to be able to trust me, I was going to have to be honest about what was going on in my life.  I give Trent a lot of credit.  It is not easy to know how to support and encourage someone with an eating disorder, but he did a really great job.  Eventually, we agreed to each give up something for each other.  I gave up throwing up and he gave up smoking.  The desire to see him stay smoke free was a strong enough motivator for me that I was able to turn my back on binging and purging. 

It is not to say that I was "cured" of my unhealthy eating habits.  I remained terrified that if I ate like a "normal" person, I would lose control of my weight.  It wasn't until the summer between my Jr. and Sr. year in college that my fears were subsided.  Trent and I were engaged and planning for our wedding that was just a few months away.  Even though I am from WA, we decided to to get married in Trent's MN hometown (he has a much larger family than I do and they all lived in the midwest so it made logistical sense to have the wedding there).  Because we were only going to be engaged for 4 months and had little time to plan for the wedding, I was invited by his parents to live with them, during our engagement.  Until this time I was a very picky eater, however, I now found myself in a situation where I was no longer cooking for myself.  I wasn't about to request that they make me something special, so I conceded to eat what they ate, when they ate.  The strangest thing happened, I didn't gain weight!  Instead, over time I actually found myself losing weight because slowly my obsession for controlling my food diminished.  My internal fears were proven to be false and I found no more reason to give them power over my life.

I can't describe the freedom that came over time following that summer.  To enjoy a day without scrutinizing each bite that goes into my mouth, to have my mind free to think about things OTHER than food between meals, to eat a wonderful meal, complete with dessert, without fear and without looking for an empty bathroom where I can throw up afterward--it is priceless.

On the 21st of this month Trent and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage.  In a sense, I am now also celebrating 10 years of food freedom.  Praise God that I can now enjoy that area of my life without it controlling me.

Get Fit, Have Fun: M4L Challenge

The "Get Fit, Have Fun: M4L Challenge" has begun!  Come on over to the facebook fan page and get started with us. 

Each evening I will post 3 challenges on the fan page for the next day.  As you complete the challenges, post and tell us about it.  There will be weekly products given away (just how and when we do the weekly giveaways and choose the winner will be different each week).  The grand prize is over $300 worth of great stuff from Belly Bandit, check it out here.  The grand prize will be given to a lucky fan member but I am not going to say just yet how this fan will be chosen (hint: participate).

Today's challenge is:
1. Decide what your fitness goal for the next 2 months will be and post it on the fan page.
2. Go here http://tiny.cc/Vc2mx to find out how much water you should be drinking a day, drink it and comment on the fan page when you are done!
3. Create a dinner menu for the week listing what you will eat.

I can't wait to do the challege with you!

Oranges make him go crazy?!

Several months ago our family decided to try out a new eating plan.  Hunter was having a lot of extra energy that was getting him into trouble.  He was also finding it very difficult to focus on a task without becoming distracted.  We researched the Feingold diet and decided that it was worth a try.  The basic concept of this diet is to remove foods that contain artificial colors and flavors, synthetic sweeteners and a few specific preservatives (BHA, BHT and TBHQ) as some people have been found to have an extra sensitivity to them resulting in a number of reactions (including those that we were seeing in Hunter).  In addition to removing these specific items there are some foods that are also commonly associated with a reaction in sensitive individuals.  These foods contain something called salicylates and include apples, oranges, grapes, all berries among others.  Initially, the plan is to remove all questionable items from the diet for a few weeks and observe how the behavior changes and then at that point to reintroduce one at a time salicylate foods to see if a reaction occurs.  You can watch some interesting and informative YouTube videos about the Feingold diet here.

We found that Hunter has a sensitivity to oranges.  It is the strangest thing, if he eats an orange or drinks some orange juice we find that his energy level maxes out and he is full of nervousenergy (he can't hardly hold still--even standing in one place he will continue to move) and has trouble focusing.  We are still working on identifying which (if any) of the other salicylate foods are an issue for him but this one is a clear problem food for him.  We were totally shocked about this and would never have believed it if we hadn't seen it with our own eyes.  Now that we are more careful with his diet we are finding Hunter to be much more calm and focused.  His handwriting has also improved a ton.  Below is a photo to show two examples.  The paper on the left was before we started the diet (see the "m" row to compaire) and on the right was when we worked on the letter "m" the next time around).  It makes us wonder how many kids may also have a similar food sensitivity but have no idea. 

(Click on the image to see it larger) 

Meanwhile, we are keeping a much closer eye on the foods that he eats to try to determine if there are others that we should be aware of.  If I find a new snack food that works well for this diet it is great.  One example that I found recently is freeze dried fruit snacks from Funky Monkey Snacks.  They are all natural, with no added sugar, preservatives, colors or flavors. They are also gluten-free, wheat-free and dairy-free. They come in four flavors two of which contain no salicylate foods: Bananamon (banana and cinnamon), Carnaval Mix (banana, pineapple, apple, papaya and raisins), Jivealime (pineapple and lime juice) and Purple Funk (banana and acai berries).  Another example of a snack food that is on the A-OK list is Pirate's Booty which we get at Costco.

I would be very interested to know if any of you have found that your children have food sensitivities.

One month

The clock is slowly approaching midnight.  The house is quiet as all are asleep.  I waver between wanting to go to sleep myself and wanting to get a post written.  I feel like it has been a long time since I have "checked in" and so I am going to forgo the early bedtime tonight.  In an effort to keep this post somewhat condensed I will try to summarize our past month with our highlights.

We are now at Quinten's one month milestone.  Overall we in the Ledeboer house would give this last month a "Two thumbs up, way up!!" rating.  What an amazing blessing it is to approach Quinten's one month milestone and have it be a celebration of his life thus far rather than a sad reminder of a life now gone as it was for Sawyer.  We simply cannot escape the consistent reminder of how great a blessing it is to have a living baby in our home.  Trent and I talk about the healing in our hearts that Quinten has brought but we also see it in our kids.  Hunter and Ashlyn simply pour out their love on him in generous amounts and it is so beautiful to see.

 

On the fourth of July last year I recall having a photo taken of Trent and I.  I remember enjoying the celebration of the day but also having the constant reminder in my heart of our pain.  This year felt so different, so much better.

Last year:
 

This year:

Trent's parents have been out from MN to visit for the last three weeks.  They are amazingly helpful and have been putting in a lot of time in our basement to help us get closer to finishing it off.  Trent has been getting up early (as he normally does) to work and then after work he begins helping his parents in our basement or outside as we have been also working to get the yard ready for seeding this coming weekend (yeah, a LAWN)!!!!  Needless to say there has been a lot of work and a lot of progress being made around here but it has also been quite busy and I have been adapting to our new routine with the kids and Quinten.

Overall Quinten is amazing, he is laid back and easy going and such a great baby.  He does seem to have a lot of gas which can make him uncomfortable every few hours and he gets hiccups DAILY poor kid:)!  Below is a photo from his first bath LOL (he liked it:)!

 

This week Hunter and Ashlyn are attending Vacation Bible School at our church and Q and I are helping out in the nursery (Q is a super big helper:).  It has been a new challenge to have everyone ready to head out the door by 7:45 AM but so far my mother-in-law has been able to help which has been really great!
 

About 3 weeks ago we were beyond blessed to have a photographer come over and gift us with some amazing photos.  We chose to incorporate Sawyer's "S" blanket into many of the photos as a way to remember him.  I have been posting the photos on my facebook page but I haven't had a chance to share them here yet.  I will post a few below but to see the entire album of amazing photos, click here:)!

When I look at this photo below, I see so much of both Hunter and Sawyer in Quinten's sweet face.

 

Well I am fighting to stay awake so I will sign off for now.  Have a wonderful rest of your week!

Strap To It - my first outing

The first time I took Quinten out alone was after we went to his first dr. appointment and I stopped at a local thrift store to see if they had any infant long sleeve/long legged outfits (apparently we didn't have much of a need for those with Hunter, born in August, in Southern California:).  I had fun browsing the store but was nervous at how un-secure Q's car seat sat in the basket of the shopping cart.  I found myself navigating the store with one hand on Q's car seat and the other pushing the cart through the narrow isles. 

Did you know that 21,600 is the annual average number of kids hurt in shopping cart accidents?  2 out of 3 accidents result from falls.- The National Safe Kids Campaign

It occurred to me that I had just recently seen something to help solve this problem on one of my favorite websites, Mom 4 Life;)! 

My second outing was yesterday, to get groceries.  This time I was prepared with my Strap To It Car Seat Safety Strap.  It was quick and easy to put on and really secured Q's seat down well.  No more worried mom, no more one hand on the car seat to make sure it doesn't fall off, perfect!

You can get the Strap To It Car Seat Safety Strap for 10% off on Mom 4 Life currently if you act fast.

   

He has turned my mourning into dancing

"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy."   Psalm 30:11

I am now a woman with full arms.  My heart sings again.  My eyes have now cried for JOY.  My eyes gaze upon a new miracle and don’t fear that it will be the last time. 

It is one thing to try to explain your birth story in a way that depicts the thoughts and feelings and emotions under normal circumstances.  It is difficult, if not impossible to attempt to describe the intangible details that comprised Quinten's birthday on June 16th. 

• What stands out most deeply in my memory was the surreal feeling of knowing that “today is the day—there is no more waiting”.  Even as we drove into town early that morning I remember telling Trent that it was still hard to believe that we would be holding a baby, our baby, in a matter of hours, the countdown was finally ending.

• I will never forget the beautiful serenade of Quinten’s heartbeat over the monitor that we got to hear all day long.  It was an amazing comfort to hear that repetitive sound, strong and constant. 

• It felt like a party!  I was wearing a “princess delivery gown” as Ashlyn would call it and had my best friend (Trent) by my side and hundreds of facebook comments to encourage me as we updated my status as the day progressed.  I felt like I had an overflow of support and prayers, even as midnight approached, many were still up checking and praying, it was amazing.

 

• And then, the “moment” when Quinten was born and he let out a cry, strong and clear.  That was the breath that allowed me to stop holding mine.  The longing, the hoping, the praying, the dreaming, the wishing, all joined hands and danced around in the room together as my eyes welled up with tears and overflowed in thankful gratitude.

Quinten James Ledeboer
7 pounds
21 inches
Loved and cherished more than he may ever know

We chose the name Quinten primarily because we loved the uniqueness of it.  It means "fifth" and although he is not our fifth child, I am reminded that it was on 5/5/08 that we found out Sawyer had died and it was in the labor and delivery room #5 that Quinten was born.

We chose the middle name "James" for its meaning "come after, succeed, follow -- be the successor of" in honor of Sawyer knowing that it is because of Sawyer's short life that we have been blessed with the life of Quinten.

I don't think it is possible for me to properly convey how much your support, prayers and consistent encouragement has meant to me as we have traveled along our journey this past year.  I have been challenged, encouraged, blessed and humbled by your kindness.  I pray that God will in turn richly bless you.  From this Mom 4 Life to you: ((hugs))

8 days old

 

Oh man we just LOVE our little guy:)!  Still hoping to have time to write a "real" post about how things are going but in the meantime I just wanted to share a few photos and let you all know we are doing wonderful.  Quinten is eating well and sleeping well and pooping well (all the important things) and we are just soaking him up.  This photo is pretty funny to me because he has been such a great baby overall, I just happened to catch him in a "moment'.  A big thank you to Sara from Snugfits for the adorable shirt that Q is wearing in the photo above.  To view more of Sara's cute Snugfits styles, visit our site.  They are 10% off until this Friday!

To see more photos from this past week, click here.

Now you are speaking my language!

I first heard about the Dunstan Baby Language DVD program when it aired on Oprah quite a while back.  I was intrigued and thought that if there was really something that could help moms know what our babies were saying to us based on their cries, I had to carry it on Mom 4 Life. 

However, I hadn't had a chance to personally try out this Dunstan Baby Language DVD program until now.  The kids and I watched the DVD a few days before Quinten was born and then after we brought him home from the hospital we watched it again (this time with my mom) and then Trent and I watched it again yesterday.  Each time I watch I get better acquainted with the words and more familiar with new ones that I haven't yet heard Quinten use.

The basic concept is that infants have 5 main and distinctive cries that they use consistently to try to communicate their different needs (hunger, need to burp, discomfort, need to sleep, and lower intestinal pain).  If you can learn the differences between these cries then it becomes much easier to help your baby be comfortable and address their needs directly (rather than guessing).  So far I have discovered that Quinten mostly uses the cries for hunger and needing to be burped.  Just knowing the difference between these two cries has been really helpful.  Today at church, after I fed Quinten, I was getting ready to put him in my sling when he started crying.  I could tell from his cry that he still needed to be burped.  I started burping him and it took a while but finally the burp came.  Had I not known what that cry meant I would have likely assumed he was still hungry and fed him on top of his need to burp (that can't be good) or thought that after I put him in the sling he would calm down, neither of which would have been ideal.

I am really excited about this Dunstan Baby Language DVD and think it is a great investment for our family.  The kids have also had a great time learning the cries and feel really great when they can also identify what Quinten is telling us:)! 

Want to try out this program yourself for free?  I would love to send you a free 15 min sampler DVD that introduces the program and teaches you a few of the words.  Simply mention "Dunstan DVD free sampler"  in the customer comments of your next order (placed by June 30th) on Mom 4 Life and we will include one with your order!

Happy Father's day to MY man. . .

It is time I shared how great MY man is (Heather Ledeboer writing here:):

Quite often I am guilty of taking my husband for granted.  There are SO many things that I appreciate about him, but it can be so easy to forget that it is those things that make him so special to me and to our children and to realize that NOT EVERY FATHER is willing to be that kind of man.  I want to honor Trent today by letting you know what kind of a man he is.

He provides for us.  He takes care of us by working diligently and does the kind of work that goes above and beyond.  The company he works for often recognizes this and talks about what a great job he does and how happy they are with him.  Not only can he work well for others but he is very good at taking the initiative and investing his extra time and resources into areas that will be helpful for our family. He is wise with our finances and totally trustworthy.

He takes time each day to really play with our kids.  He wrestles with them and chases them around the house and plays along with Hunter's creative made up game ideas.  He has always been active in the little things too like changing diapers, brushing teeth, and bedtime prayers and stories.

He helps around the house.  It is not at all uncommon for him to cook dinner and he is always willing to help out with cleaning around the house.  Likewise, he makes sure that things around our home are taken care of. 

He is supportive of my goals and has been my biggest fan since I started Mom 4 Life in 2003.  I trust his judgment and often seek out his advice and feedback.  Not only that, he is just plain fun to be around, he has a great sense of humor and is hardly EVER in a bad mood.  We get along very well and I am so blessed to have him as my best friend. 

He places his trust in God.  There is something very attractive about a man who is dependent on God and I am so grateful that his faith is both real and personal.

Lucky for me, as a bonus, he is also pretty darn cute!

Happy Father's Day to you sweetie!!! We are blessed to have you in our lives!

 

 
Trent with Hunter (taken 5.5 years ago)

 
Trent with Ashlyn (taken 3 years ago)

 
Trent with Sawyer (taken 13 months ago)

 
Trent with Quinten (taken last week Wednesday)

Our little man has arrived!

Quinten James Ledeboer is here!  He arrived on 6/16/09 at 11:58 PM PST.  We are over the moon in love with this little guy and indescribably giddy at having such a healthy baby to hold and love.  I will post more later on his birth for those of you who were not able to follow the LONG day yesterday via my facebook account but for now I wanted to let you know that he is here, he is healthy (7 pounds, 21 inches long!) and we are all doing great.  THANK YOU so very much for the many prayers that you guys have prayed not just yesterday but throughout my pregnancy.  We felt so much love and support yesterday it was amazing.  I wil leave you with a few photos and if you click here you can see more.

  

 

My ears are burning!

I am honored to have recently been featured in a full page article in Entro Magazine.  I wanted to share it with you here: http://www.mom4life.com/Entro-Press.pdf.  You can view the entire magazine online here: http://issuu.com/entromagazine/docs/entro_2009_052509f (page 27 is where you will find the page I am featured on).

One last day to dream

4. Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  5. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 8. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:4-9

This passage (particularly verse 5) was one that I memorized and repeated over and over last year between the time that I found out Sawyer had died and when I went into labor to deliver him.  It was a perfect verse for me because my default emotion was anything but peaceful so I kept repeating this verse like a mantra and calling out to God for peace amidst the storm.  Looking back at my labor, it was undoubtedly VERY difficult emotionally, but it was also (as the writer of Philippians says) filled with a peace that transcends all understanding.

Now just over a year later I again face labor and over the last several days have found myself going back to this same verse for guidance and a reminder that I do not need to carry my worry, but that I can (and should) instead give it over go God.  His exchange is to give his peace "which transcends all understanding. . . which will guard my heart and mind."  As I have mentioned in a previous blog post, God is amazing at offering great exchanges and this one is no exception.

My emotions have been all over the place the last few days.  There have been moments where I felt almost panicked knowing that the date of induction (June 16th) was still several days away and I felt so helpless to be able to make sure that my baby was (and would stay) safe.  Other moments, I have been brought to tears as I started to allow myself to daydream about "the moment" when I am able to hold our baby for the first time after he is born. 

The overarching reminder that I have had in the last several days is that God is in control and I am not.  Therefore, if I feel like things are out of my control, I am simply seeing things for the way they are.  I was reminded that trust needs to be total in order to be effective and authentic.  I can't be selective about how or when I trust God to take care of my needs.  I have thought a lot about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and their story in Daniel chapter 3.  Because they choose to follow God, their lives were on the line and they faced death in a fiery furnace.  When confronted by the King about their actions, they simply said, "Your threat means nothing to us. If you throw us in the fire, the God we serve can rescue us from your roaring furnace and anything else you might cook up, O king. But even if he doesn't, it wouldn't make a bit of difference, O king. We still wouldn't serve your gods or worship the gold statue you set up."  Their statement of faith and trust says it all.  They recognized that the focus was not on the immediate outcome of their dire circumstances, but instead on their desire to let their lives be a reflection of their love for God, without compromise.  It wasn't about them, it was about God and their allegiance to Him.  Their actions inspire me.

This baby is a gift to us, given by God.  There is nothing we could do on our own to create life, to help it to develop and grow, to be born, it has been God all along.  Life is a gift.  It, like everything else, belongs to God.  I am amazingly blessed to simply have the opportunity to be a part of the process, to be entrusted with carrying this life.  For whatever length of time I am entrusted with this gift, I am incredibly grateful.

On the subject of being grateful, I had an amazing time with my good friend Sarah this weekend.  She flew out on Friday afternoon from California to visit (with her husband and young daughter) and flew home on Sunday morning.  On Friday evening we met with Christina G who is a very talented local photographer who let us use some of her wonderful props and gave us some great tips on where to shoot photos locally.  She also hung out with us and took some photos which she has posted on her blog.  Photos are really meaningful to me personally and I feel amazingly blessed, this last year I have been surrounded by some really great photographers.  Amy Waddington who took our family photos when Sawyer was born (such as the ones you see on the right side of my blog), Christina G and Sarah.  I want to thank each of these women for sharing your talent and creating tangible memories that our family will treasure for years. 

 

We really wanted there to be a lot of color in these photos, the more color the better, we wanted it to symbolize the joy that we feel about welcoming this baby into our family.

 

 

 

This photo below is really special to me.  It is our tribute to Sawyer.  The blanket has his first initial on it. The ring I am wearing is one that Trent gave me with Sawyer's birthstone in it and the necklace was a gift with Sawyer's name and birthdate on it.

Above, I mentioned a previous blog post that I wrote about God's great exchanges.  When I looked up this blog post I remembered that I had included a "self portrait" photo.  In the post I said,

"I took a self portrait while writing this post.  I want to share the face of a mother whose baby sits in a tiny urn.  I want you to know that even if the most sorrowful moments of "getting it" I still hold on to the gift of hope."

I look at the photo from that post and then I look at the photos that were just taken this weekend and can't help but feel amazed by the journey of this past year and GREATFUL for the gift of this new life within me.

I am not only thankful for this gift of new life for my husband and myself but for Hunter and Ashlyn.  It was really fun to watch both of them interact with Sarah's 10 month old daughter this weekend.  They adore babies and young children and are so great about wanting to help out and share their toys.  When I watch I grieve for them that they have not been able to have that opportunity with Sawyer.  However, I am so looking forward to watching them be finally able to enjoy a new brother in our home.  There has been a lot of baby talk around our house in the last few weeks and it has been really cute to see how much of their excitement crosses over into their play time.  All of Ashlyn's dolls have been giving birth lately and the kids even found a way to incorporate the topic of having a baby when they were wrestling around with Trent.  Here is a photo of Ashlyn taken several weeks ago as she was talking with the baby and in doing so discovered that the baby was hungry;).

The countdown is now really at a number that I like, just ONE more day.  I told myself that even though my tendency is to hold back on the daydreams and thoughts of holding a healthy living baby after he his born, the day before he is induced, I would do my best to just go ahead and feel free to dream.  So here is to one last day filled with dreams and praying that it will awake into a new day filled with life.

Also, I want to let you know how BLESSED I have been to have so many of you praying for us.  That is an amazing gift to offer our family and we can't thank you enough!!! 

Here is the "plan" for June 16th:

We have been told to call the hospital at 6:00AM PST and see if there is room for us to come in (they have 6 birthing rooms).  Provided there is room, we will call my mom and she will start watching the kids for us and Trent and I will go into town and check into the hospital.  From there we plan to post updates on my personal facebook page so as I mentioned before, if you have a facebook account, feel free to add me as a friend if you would like to be updated on the progress.  I can't wait! :)

Pillow Talk by Heather L.

I really don't expect to have a "good" night sleep at this stage of pregnancy but this last weekend I remembered that I have a pregnancy pillow in our inventory that I have never personally tried.  I quickly got one and tried it out on our living room floor.  It was late evening, the kids were in bed and Trent and I were getting ready to watch the movie "Mall Cop" (which actually was pretty funny).  After my first little trial run on the floor I was feeling pretty comfortable (which doesn't happen on the couch now days).  Getting pretty optimistic, I decided to stay right there on the floor for the whole movie!

That night and the next I used my new pillow friend to help me sleep and after having two nights with the Utterly Yours Pregnancy Pillow in my bed I am pretty excited to share that my nights have been much better!

This pillow looks like something I have never seen before in its square-like appearance but lets not be deceived by appearances or be too quick to judge (and no, that is not me in the photo below;). 

This little box opens up to reveal two triangle foam wedges that fit on either side of your body and are connected by a thin fabric which you lay on and that stretches as your body grows throughout your pregnancy.  The two different foam triangle sides are made of different densities.  The one for your back is firm and made of high density foam and the one for your stomach is much softer and made of memory foam-DELIGHTFUL!  I love how well supported my belly feels when I am using this pillow.  The only disadvantage that I can find is that if I want to switch sides I can't just turn over but I have to also flip the sides of the pillows around (since one is for your back and one is for your belly).  BUT I decided that the trade-off was totally worth it.

Because I have gotten used to sleeping with my body pillow and like the feeling of having something between my legs to take some pressure off my lower back and hips, I am now using my Utterly Yours Pregnancy Pillow to cradle my back/belly and my body pillow on the outside of the "belly pillow" (and I am taking up more than my share of the bed as you can imagine--thankfully Trent has not complained:).

I also do love that this pillow takes up so little room when you are not using it since it folds back up into a small square and is pretty darn cute.  Now if only I hadn't waited until I only had days to go until I delivered to try this thing out!!  Oh well. . . :).  I know that several of you are also pregnant so I am going to encourage you to consider trying this little baby out!  If you order one for yourself by this week Sunday (6/14) you will get 10% off.  I have *just* marked down the price!

Please note: This pillow does come in "sizes".  We only have the size medium in stock.  The medium size will work fine for anyone up to 210 pounds or if the measurement all they way around the largest part of your body (back to belly button) is more than 50".  If you are measuring too large for the medium size, you would need a large size pillow.  Please email us and we can see if we can't help get what you need.

Trying to wait patiently on the bench

Today I had blood drawn at the lab to test my liver, I hope to know the results on Monday.  I was itching like crazy last night and on and off today too so I am glad to have these blood tests taken.  I wish there wasn’t a weekend in here, it is a little unnerving to me to start itching again, it was much nicer to not have it at all. 

A friend emailed and asked me how am I feeling. . . good I think, but each time I feel the baby move I find myself thinking “oh GOOD he is still alive”.  In other words, getting closer to the due date doesn’t really seem to help much at this particular time, it just ups the feeling of being “so close” and not wanting to cross the finish line without having really met the goal.  I just want to fast forward it all to the part where I am holding him and watching his little chest rise and fall, watch the little spot on the top of his head pulse with his heart rate and look into open eyes staring back and me.  Then I feel bad that I am not taking the time to really, fully enjoy the process of the pregnancy.  I will admit, I am the little kid that is practiced out and just wants the coach to send me in the game and give me a chance to prove my stuff out on the field.  "Pick me, pick me!"

Then I close my eyes and imagine what God himself might say after reading my blog.  I think he might say:

Patience my child, I hold all the universe in the palm of my hand, I hold you, I hold your baby, I hold your worries, your fears, your concerns, your joys your goals.  I know them all.  I care about them all.  I will not let you go.  Don't forget about me when your world seems shaky.  Don't stop calling out to me when you are feeling scared.  Don't shut me out when you are wanting to hide from your fears.  Come to me, I am always waiting here for you.

Packing my bags. . . at least mentally:)

I am now 35 weeks and 1 day:).  I had my dr. appt today and all is looking very good.  I am 2 cm dilated, his head is down and my cervix is soft.  I have been feeling regular movements and it is common for me to have Braxton Hixs contractions.  I will do one more round of blood tests this Friday to check and make sure my liver is doing well (to rule out any chances of ICP).  I haven't been itchy at all in many weeks (praise God) so I expect that the tests for that will come back fine.  Provided all looks good with the blood tests and my appt next week Wednesday I am scheduled to be induced at 37 weeks (June 16th).

It feels so surreal to me to be at the stage where I can think about packing a bag to go to the hospital!  Perhaps NASA astronauts feel this way before they leave earth.  All that training, planning, learning, about to be put into ACTUAL practice.  They might really let me fly this spaceship worth billions of dollars into outer space?!  For me to be almost full circle, back at the end of a pregnancy is strange.  I can't help but think back most strongly on my pregnancy with Sawyer rather than with Hunter and Ashlyn.  I remember feeling "home free" being so close to my due date (I was days away from 37 weeks when we found out he had died).  Having those thoughts of "if I went into labor now, they wouldn't even try to stop it:)!"  Then later, after he died, feeling so numb and lost and then remembering that birth still was pending, I couldn't simply opt out of labor, it seemed so cruel and unfair.

There are many thoughts and feelings running through our minds this time around.  So much excitement, so much hope, so much anticipation.  So many memories and emotions tied into what happened "last time", so many realities that you are never "home free".

When strangers ask me when I am due and I tell them I have two weeks to go they get a big smile on their faces and comment about how close I am.  In some ways I feel like I am close too but in other ways it still feels way too far off.  I will smile and comment that we are "very excited" but inside I am thinking how much more appropriate it would be for me to grab and shake them back and forth while exclaiming in a loud voice "You have no idea and we cannot find the right words to express what this baby means to us, we can't wait for him to be born, ALIVE, it will be amazing!"

I remember the first maternity shirt that I purchased this pregnancy many weeks back.  For me it was a significant milestone.  It was the first tangible investment in this pregnancy.  The first time I was willing to hope enough to plan ahead.  More purchases have followed that initial maternity shirt but there is still a hesitancy present. 

I was recently asked if I am "ready" for the baby to come, if I have everything in place.  My answer was yes and no.  Here is an example of being ready: We have purchased a car seat (as we returned the one we had bought for Sawyer) and it is coming in the mail.  This is one of those things you just HAVE to buy, no real choice.  Here is an example of not being ready: We decided to get an Amby Baby Bed as I had heard so many lovely things about them.  I found the bassinet part on Craig's List locally, however we had to purchase the frame on-line.  The frame is sitting in my closet, box unopened.  I haven't wanted to set it up because I hate the idea of having to pack it away if something goes wrong.  We had a bassinet for Sawyer that sat staring at us in the days following his death and I just don't want to do that again.  It is difficult to know how to balance optimism and reality.

My hospital bag is getting packed mentally but I haven't done it physically.  Here are some of the things waiting to be put in it (although I think my list may still need a few items added as I remember them):

-I have had my eye on The Peanut Shell® Hospital Delivery Gowns by Goo-ga for a while and since I won't get a home birth this time around I liked the idea of "jazzing it up" a bit in the delivery room:).

-Not only do I love butterflies, but I love the Bravado Original Nursing Bra so it is a win-win!

-No dry lips for me, gotta pack some Mom 4 Life Peppermint Lip Balm

-The Glamourmom® Nursing Long Tank is a staple I love (the brown is my fav).

-I can't sleep without my The Bosom Baby Pillow by Luna Lullaby.

-The Nursing Bracelet Feeding Log by Unique Mums is perfect for keeping track when I last fed so I can let the nurses know.

-my pink slippers

AND we plan to bring my cell phone so we can update the process of the delivery on my personal facebook account so feel free to add me as a friend if you want updates when the time comes!

I plan to keep my placenta (hee hee) and want to make a "tree painting" with it.  What? You haven't heard of that?!!?  Oh yes that is just one of many interesting things you can do with placentas, check out some more interesting placenta options here.  I had really wanted to do a tree painting with Sawyer's placenta but because we ended up sending it in for testing it wasn't really an option to get too creative with it first!

My homework for the next two weeks is to watch the Dunstan Baby Language DVD Set so I can learn the main baby cries and what they mean:).

more devious dishes. . .

Ok this is just too much fun, I feel so devious (insert evil laugh here)!

Today I served up a "kiwi shake" (filled with green goodness) to my kids and their reply was "Yummy"!  The "kiwi shake" is my name for the shake found here (scroll down just a tad) called a "slimer smoothie".  The only ingredients that I knew Hunter liked out of this smoothie was the Kiwi and Banana and knowing the shake would be green, I figured if I called it kiwi shake he might not think too hard about the fact that he typically isn't into green food;).

Slimer Smoothie (AKA Kiwi Shake)
Serves 3-4
Your kids may have no idea who Slimer from “The Ghostbusters” is. Feel free to change the name to some green character that they will think is cool…the “Incredible Hulk”, maybe?
• 1 cup kale, chopped and lightly steamed to release nutrients

• 1 banana, frozen and cut into chunks (I ended up using 2)
• 1 ripe avocado, peel and pit removed
• 3 ripe kiwis, peeled
• ½ cup coconut milk
• Ice cubes, as desired for temperature and consistency
• Almond, rice milk, or water for desired consistency (I didn't end up using any)

Add first 5 ingredients to Vita-mix or blender and blend well.

Slowly blend in milk or water until you get the consistency you like. Add a couple ice cubes if you want it to be colder (though I don’t recommend drinking very cold beverages, as they are more difficult for your body to digest). Without the ice cubes and milk, pour into popsicle molds and freeze for a healthy mid-afternoon snack.

 

Personally, I thought it was pretty good but not amazingly great.  Knowing that it was good for me was enough to fully enjoy it.  I will make it again.  Next time, I will try it with regular milk to compare how that tastes vs. the coconut milk and see which I like better.  I love that it has kale and avocado in it which are both things that I wouldn't easily get the kids to eat on their own.  I will also try it as a Popsicle next time and see what they think of that version. 

Have fun with it and let me know what you think!

Thanks to Mom 4 Life, Dia for sharing this with me online!

more sneaky stuff. . .

I tried two other Sneaky Chef recipes this week and wanted to share the results with you.

The first was "Packed Pizza Bagels".  I used whole wheat bagels and mixed Spaghetti Sauce, a few Tablespoons of "orange puree" and about 6 Tablespoons of "white bean puree" (see previous post for puree info) together and spread them over the bagels.  Then I added cheese and cooked until bubbly in my toaster oven.

 

This is how they looked after they came out of the oven.

 

Hunter has an interesting preference in how he likes to eat his pizza.  He prefers to eat it in layers (cheese first, then sauce and then if he is still hungry, the bread).  I asked him to try this kind of pizza all together "the regular way" first and then if he liked it he could eat the second half his way.  The first half he liked, the second half he didn't.  I am not sure if it was the taste of the sauce or just the fact that this was being called "pizza" and it tasted different from his thoughts of pizza.  Oh well. . . I finished off what he didn't eat and thought it was just fine;).

 

Today for lunch we tried "covert quesadillas".  I spread out the "white bean puree" on the inside of the tortillas and then added the cheese and cooked as normal in the skillet until warm.  My kids like it when I make pictures out of their lunch so this was an attempt at a volcano using carrots, bananas, raisins and of course the quesadillas.  Again, I instructed Hunter to eat it "whole" and not layer by layer and both kids liked them.  I tried one too and thought it was actually better this way!

 

Now if only we could graduate them to start eating my salad for lunch. . .

 

Do you guys have any sneaky tips to share?  I got what looks like it will be a great recipe from one of you this week for Popsicles using squash and as soon as they are done freezing in the freezer and we have a chance to sample them I will share!

Mom 4 Life, Dia shared a link with me that has some great recipes for kids too that you might also enjoy--Thanks Dia!

Sneaky Mac & Cheese

Sneaky Chef Heather reporting in from lunch duty:)!  Today I served up boxed macaroni and cheese and added in about 3 T of the "orange puree" mentioned in my previous post as well as about 2-3 teaspoons of wheat germ.  I could have instead added in the White Puree or the White Bean Puree but decided to start with this one as the cheese color was already "orange" and the orange puree is sweet tasting.

When I served it to the kids, Hunter said, "oh a NEW kind!" I have no idea why he said that as I had made it while they were out of the room and I put away the "evidence" before I served them up, so he didn't see me add anything.  Maybe the color was a little more orange than he was used to.  I took a photo of their reactions when they ate it LOL.  They both said, "YUUUUMMMM!" so I guess this one is a keeper;). 

The clear placemats that you see under their bowls are called "Piggy Platters" and we use these EVERYDAY, I love them.  They are easy to carry to the sink and wash off after meals and we love using them for crafts.  You can put white paper under them (to allow the marker to show better) and write on them with dry erase markers. . . you can practice handwriting on them . . . the slightly raised edge keeps crayons and markers from rolling off onto the floor. . . they are great!

 

After lunch Ashlyn wanted to play "prince and princess" so they did:).

 

Just call me "the sneaky chef"!

I have had the cookbook, "The Sneaky Chef" by Missy Chase Lapine for about a year now (maybe more) and had yet to use it.  For those of you who haven't heard of this book, it has "simple strategies for hiding healthy foods in kids' favorite meals".  Today I decided to bring a few cookbooks with me on our drive to church.  I grabbed this one and got inspired to start implementing the ideas and recipes in it right away! 

Around our house we have no problem eating a lot of fruit each day but veggies are another story.  I personally LOVE salads piled high with veggies, but so far the kids are not quite there.  Both Hunter and Ashlyn like raw carrots and corn on the cob and Ashlyn LOVES edemamae beans (although I am hesitant to have her eat these too often due to the estrogen found in soy products) but that is about the limit.  Green veggies are a huge turn off to Hunter especially.  I want to get more veggies and protein in their diet and am excited to give this book a try.

Tonight I started with 3 of the 13 "make ahead" recipes.  I made 3 purees that you can cook ahead of time (and freeze for later if you like) to add into your recipes.  As the book says, the recipes in this cookbook are "kids' favorite meals".  With these three purees, I am now set to jazz up Mac & Cheese, Cheese Sandwiches, Pizza Bagels, Lasagna, Quesadillas, Chocolate Chip Cookies and many more.  Below are the ingredients for the three purees shown in the photo.  I plan to use these in several of the recipes mentioned above this week and will make a goal to report back what we think of them just in case you decide to turn into a sneaky chef with me! 

Orange Puree:
1 med sweet potato or yam, peeled and rough chopped
3 med to large carrots, peeled and sliced into thick chunks
3-4 T water
-Cook the yam & carrots in boiling water for about 20 min until very tender (you don't want any chunks--that might be a giveaway).  Drain and put in the food processor (I used my blender) with a little water (I used the water they boiled in as this has lots of vitamins in it).  Blend or process until very smooth.  This can store for up to 3 days in the fridge or freeze for later.

White Puree:
2 cups cauliflower, cut into florets
2 small to medium zucchini, peeled and roughly chopped
1 t. fresh lemon juice
3-4 T water if needed
-Steam cauliflower in veg steamer over 2 inches of water (covered) for about 10-12 min until very tender.  Peel and chop your zucchini and put in your processor or blender with the lemon juice and start blending.  Drain the cooked cauliflower and add to the zucchini with 2 T water.  Puree on high until smooth.  This can store for up to 3 days in the fridge or freeze for later.

White Bean Puree:
1 15 oz. can white beans (great norther, navy, butter or cannellini) or if you are starting with dry beans, soak overnight and cook as directed).
2-3 T water
-Rinse and train the beans and put in your blender or food processor.  Puree with 2 T of water until smooth.  The goal is to get it smooth but not wet (think peanut better consistency).  At a little more water if needed until no flecks of whole beans are visible. This can store for up to 3 days in the fridge or freeze for later

Pregnancy side notes: I can't seem to go anywhere now without being asked "When are you due?"  I decided that it was too confusing to explain that I am "due" July 7th but am going to be induced about three weeks early, so I now am answering "next month!".  Just about everyone answers back with "yes you look like you are getting close".  I am glad that they can see that as I am feeling it:).

I am now 2 days away from 33 weeks in my pregnancy:)!  This "maternity tank top" is not quite long enough so I have layered with a blush undershirt (I LOVE these things--I have at least 8 of them in different colors and wear them all the time, even when I am not pregnant).  When I sit down for a while I can really tell that this little guy is pushing against my lungs as it gets sort of hard to REALLY breathe.  Sleeping is getting more difficult.  My FAVORITE Bosom body pillow helps a lot but still, the comfortable positions are eluding me more now.  Let me clarify that these are not complaints, I am thrilled to be "here" but if you were to ask me how I am feeling, this would be my answer;). 

I can tell that he is getting bigger too as his movements are not as tumble-bumble and frequent as before.  This has been a little difficult personally/emotionally at times and I have had a few moments of prayer here and there asking for peace and trust and for MOVEMENT:)!  Thankfully a nice kick usually follows not too much later.  My next appointment is this week and we will be picking out the date of delivery (whoo-hoo)!!  My guess is that it will be sometime around June 16th but I will keep you posted.

calming the storm

I want to thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and emails remembering Sawyer's birthday with us.  Several of you sent me an email today and I want you to know how much it means to me that you are remembering this day with us.

I am going to keep this brief because Trent and I are going to enjoy a movie together tonight and if I get going writing I won't be able to stop. 

last night as I went to bed I was thinking about the post that I had just put up talking about being out on the water with an approaching storm.  It reminded me of the time that Jesus was with his disciples in a boat and a fierce storm came up (Matthew 8:24-27).  The disciples called out to Jesus for help, waking him up from his sleep.  Jesus spoke and the storm was calm.  I was reminded that a part of my vision was inaccurate.  In the boat I pictured myself alone, but I am never alone.  When the storm came, I forgot that all I needed to do was call out for help.  Last night as I turned to read about that story in the Bible, I pictured things differently.  My God will never leave me nor will he forsake me.  I am not alone.  The storm is not going to come without Him by my side and if I call out to Him, He has the power to calm the storm.  Today my storm was calmed.  It was a day of many memories but it was not bitter.  It was a day of enjoying our family and spending time together.  It was a day of noticing every little movement that this baby is making and being so very, very grateful that as I look back and remember this day one year ago, I had no movements to celebrate.

Thank you Jesus for calming my storm.

For more photos from our day click here.
 

the approaching storm

I have a vision in my mind.  Perhaps it is a vague memory of a childhood experience or perhaps it is simply an assimilation of memories.  In this vision, I am out on the water in a small boat, perhaps a canoe, and it is very quiet and calm.  The sky is darkening and a slight breeze picks up, rustling the grasses around the small pond.  Slowly I become aware of a moistening in the air and as I gaze over the water I can see at the edge of the pond a disturbance in the water--rain.   The calm surface begins to transform as the rain approaches.  I watch the rain advance on the water, coming toward me churning the water in an undeniable procession.  It is apparent that soon I will be overtaken; there is simply no escaping the downpour.  As the edge of the storm reaches my boat I begin to feel the raindrops, sporadic at first, then more consistent until soon I can barely distinguish one drop from another as the rain takes over the landscape of which I am apart.

This last week has been a little like that scene.  As Sunday draws near I begin to feel the approaching, unavoidable storm.  The 5th of May was the day we found out Sawyer had died and I have been amazed by how many days have passed between that day and when we delivered him—5 days later.  At the time, I think we were in so much of a daze that the passage of time was not so apparent.  I remember that we were told we could induce labor at anytime or wait for my body to go into labor on its own.   We chose to wait to induce labor in order to allow for blood work to be done and for family to drive in from out of town.  I remember not wanting to go out in public for fear that someone would see my belly and give me one of those knowing smiles—the kind you only get when you are pregnant.  I remember having a dreaded expectation of labor and a mix of both wanting to be done with it and yet not wanting to be separated from my son, knowing the separation would be a long term arrangement.  I remember many things but didn’t remember how far the 5th from the 10th actually was.

Most of this week I have found myself feeling thankful that a year has passed, thankful that I am here at this stage of the journey and not simply beginning it.  While I can appreciate the passage of time, I can’t deny the pain.  The other day Trent asked me what I would make Mother’s Day special.  I found myself at a loss for what to say.  What do you do to celebrate a life, to remember a child?  Somehow nothing seems adequate.  Knowing that we would be away from home for a week long family vacation over the 10th I decided on picking up a “birthday” cake from Coldstone (I love ice cream cakes and am pretty sure that Sawyer would have too:).  Yesterday we stopped in route to our vacation spot to pick up the cake.  As I walked in the creamery and approached the cooler filled with cakes, I felt the raindrops fall, I don’t want this to be me.  I don’t want to be the mom that is buying a cake for a child that will never enjoy it.  I don’t want to choose the flavor, alone.   But rain doesn’t discriminate; it will cover anything in its path.

Post note: As I mentioned above, 0ur family is on vaction this week together on the coast of WA.  After I wrote this, we pulled into the vacation area where we are staying this week and our car crossed over a bridge (the view from it is shown above).  My eyes rested on a group of canoes sitting on the edge of the shore and I couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony.  We took a trip together as a family today.

 

Re-focus: future

It is May 4th, 1 day before the day I found out that Sawyer had died, one year ago. 1 day before my world changed.  Before I was touched with the reality of the unpredictable effect of sin and Satan's far reaching grasp on this world.  Before I was forced to reach out and desperately hang on to the promises in God's word of comfort and support that have been passed on and proven through generations.  Before I started seeing the world through new eyes--eyes that could look deeper into the grief of others than I ever could before.  Before I had to learn how to live with a deep scar on my heart.

As the one year anniversary of Sawyers birth approaches (on the 10th), I find myself amazed by the growth of other children who were born around his birthday.  These children are crawling, learning to walk, babbling in the cutest way, trying out their first words. . . Somewhere along the way my mental picture of Sawyer has gotten lost.  I no longer know how to imagine him: as an infant, as a baby, as a crawling--trying to pull himself up on the couch--little boy?  Time has a way of freezing history in our minds.  It is difficult for me to imagine our infant son as a one year old, I never saw him that way. 

There are many mysteries in the Bible, things that are simply not explained.  I can be ok with the fact that I serve a God that is not able to be fully understood, in fact that makes him more worthy of my awe.  However, I can't help but wonder about heaven: Do people age like they do on Earth?  Is Sawyer growing physically?  When I see him, will he be young, old, will I know the difference?  Will his Heavenly body reflect much of his Earthy body? 

Today I have also been thinking about Jesus.  Here is someone that I have never met in person but long to meet in Heaven as well.  I have been thinking about his time on earth and particularly his profession as a carpenter.  I am intensely drawn to the image of his hands.  He worked with wood and tools day after day--they must have been strong and rough.  I am intrigued by the thought of his personality--I would guess that he had an amazing attention to detail mixed with great creativity.  I am in awe of his talent--he could take a chunk of wood and craft something of value with nothing more than his skill and desire.  There is something about this mix of mental thoughts that is incredibly beautiful to me.  This creative craftsman who spent countless hours in his workshop is the same man who continues to craft something beautiful in the lives of any who let him.  This is the same carpenter who willingly withstood the most brutal form of death that could be attempted.  The fact that he was hanging on a WOODEN cross as he died only seems to me, to further insult this carpenter.  After he defeated death and appeared to his disciples, we are told that his hands still bore the scars of the cross (Luke 24:38-40).

Today, instead of focusing on what I don't have, I want to focus on what I have waiting for me.  Just thinking about being welcomed to heaven by Jesus himself, imagining putting my face in his strong, nail-pierced hands and then burring myself in his warm, comforting arms is almost enough to bring tears to my eyes.  Then, picturing him saying to me, "Heather, there is someone that I have been waiting to introduce you to. . . " and turning to Sawyer and looking at him for the first time, whole, healthy, bright eyed and strong.  Well. . . quite honestly, I am unable to type the words without tears pouring doing my face.

I don't know what Sawyer looks like right now or how old he is but I don't need to figure that out now.  Trusting in God is a package deal sort of thing.  I either do it or I don't.  I choose to trust and that means that I don't need to figure out the little details or solve all the mysteries.  Chances are, I have around 70 years tops to enjoy the difficult portion of life--after that, I am home-free.  For the rest of FOREVER I don't have to cry one more tear, I don't have to suffer one more heartache or feel one more day of pain.  Looking at it that way, odds are totally in my favor, the future looks really good.

A snowy spring

I LOVE spring.  This year "spring" weather has been a little strange and unpredictable.  Just recently we had beautiful 70 degree weather--I was digging out the sunscreen and sun hats and sitting out on the patio wearing a tank top while the kids played outside in the backyard.  Then a day or so later . . . snow!  Not just any snow either, hard snow, lots of snow. . . then, it melted away and we had more nice weather.  Then, snow!  Just a few days ago we had our most recent little "snow storm" and each time it happens I think "well this is certainly the last of the snow!"

This is perhaps a little bit reflective of my thought pattern lately as I anticipate Sawyer's anniversary while also anticipating the arrival of our new baby.  It is very strange to have two events happening in our lives that are so vastly different in emotional content.  Last night as I lay in bed feeling the turning and kicking going on within my belly I was practically giddy with excitement thinking about how amazing it will feel to hold this baby in our arms. 

40 weeks is long enough to ask ANY woman to wait for a baby, but to think that I have been waiting to hold a living baby in my arms since October 2007 (when we first found out we were pregnant with Sawyer) and through (so far) 66 weeks of back-to-back pregnancies . . . well it is a long wait.  At my last appointment my dr. said that there is a good chance that we will induce delivery at 37 weeks this time around.  He said that there are some risks in inducing early but given my history (and the fact that we never were able to find out the reason Sawyer died) he felt it was the best option.  I am thrilled with that game plan in all honestly, better early and alive I say.  So if that holds true then that moved up my countdown nicely and as I am 29 weeks currently, I have about 8 weeks to go!

Last year Sawyer was born on May 10th, the day before Mother's day.  This year May 10th will be on Mother's day.  I really have no words right now to express how I feel about this day coming up.  I think in a lot of ways I hit a point a few months ago when I sort of felt as though I had reached a place in my journey of loss in which I was ready to focus on living and not on grieving, on having hope rather than focusing on our loss.  It slowly became easier to have days that were not ruled by pain and it was if I slowly moved from the cold winter into thawing warmth of spring.  As time goes on I become more used to this adjustment and spring weather but then, unexpectedly the snow comes and comes hard.  I still have times where I am curled up in a ball on the floor crying, questioning what season I am in--thinking that I had moved into spring and asking why it looks like winter??!  Then, slowly, the sun will come out again and the snow is gone. 

I can't express enough how thankful I am for this baby that I am carrying.  To have the joy of new life and the hope of enjoying it past delivery is beyond words.  At the same time, when the snow comes, it doesn't matter that I am pregnant, that I have an amazing husband, that we have 2 beautiful living children, that we are healthy, that we have a home, that we have more blessings than we can count.  In that moment, the fact that the calender says "spring" does nothing to shield the bitter cold.  But. . . snow can be beautiful and I have learned to see beauty in what some would only see as bitterness.  And I have found that when you have just endured an extreme winter, the spring is appreciated far more intensely then ever before so here's to spring. . .

 

An update: The post above was written last night.  The photos below were taken this morning;).  Ashlyn is wearing her BabyLegs to cover up her bare legs from her capri's and a Zooni hat (they are so cute).  Maybe THIS will be the last snow. . .

 

Doing the Potty Dance

This week was a pretty exciting one for us.  Ashlyn (who turned 3 in January) is now an official "big girl" and is using the potty like a pro.  We are so very proud of her.  The exact "winning" method of potty training for her was a mix of things (and WAY easier than it was for our son who was not potty trained until 4 years old).  We bought her some pretty princess panties and talked about how we didn't want to get the princesses wet:).  We put her panites on and some BabyLegs which kept her warm but made it easy for her to only have to take off one layer (her panties) to go potty. She watched a potty movie while sitting on her potty chair. . . The Potty Watch was also a big help.  We set it to 'sing' every 30 min. and it helped remind us that she needed to "try".  Ashlyn got very excited whenever it started to play its song and would say, "Yeah, it is time to go potty!"  We soon discovered that the problem was that she would prefer to only sit down on the potty for a few moments and then she was ready to be done.  So we started reading a book or singing a song before she could get up.  She LOVES princess songs and so I often ended up being "Sleeping Beauty" and signing "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream. . .".  We rewarded her with one piece of candy for trying.  At first all we had in the house was peanut M&M's and I soon realized that our girl was very happy to "try" to go to get candy and perhaps she was going to have a little too much sugar in her system than ideal.  So we bought some "nerd candy" which is MUCH smaller.  It was It took a day or two to have the timing right.  Finally she was sitting on her portable potty in the kitchen eating a snack when she had her first successful "pee".  After that she had another successful attempt when reading a book.  I think once she got the idea of what the feeling of needing to go the bathroom was she was set.  It makes sense too because in a diaper they never have to pay attention to that feeling and just go without thinking about it.  She needed to figure out what that feeling meant.  She is now rewarded with a successful pee with 2 "big candies AKA Peanut M&M's" and 3 candies for a poop.  In the last two days she hasn't had any accidents.  We do have her wear a diaper or pull up for naps and at night.  We are so excited at the idea of having a break from diapers for at least a few months until our next baby is born:).  At that point we will be totally excited to deal with newborn diapers again at long last!!

So our little princess, we applaud you, well done girl, well done! 

As a side note, our diaper sprayer is super handy for cleaning poop out of the little potty into the big potty.
  

Ashlyn shown sitting on her potty reading a book and wearing her Potty Watch.

books and babies: 2 videos to share

I am working on editing a video to burn to a DVD for my grandmother's birthday.  In the process, I came across two videos that I thought would be fun to share with you. 

Hunter's story time:
The first video is from last month.  Hunter is (I feel) a really good reader for 5 years old.  However, he doesn't often choose to read books out loud to us.  Recently, I discovered that he did feel comfortable reading to Ashlyn.  So we started encouraging Hunter to be the one to read Ashlyn a story before her nap each day.  The video shows him reading to her.  This is the first time he had read or heard this story (it was a new library book).  I thought it was funny to see how Ashlyn saw a "princess" on one of the pages and kept trying to point it out to Hunter while he read and then to see Hunters response to her:).  Please excuse the fact that I had to set down the camera on the floor for part of the video--the doorbell rang and I had to answer it but didn't want to stop recording.

Baby announcement:
The second video is from October 29th, 2008.  This is the day that we told the kids we were going to have another baby.  I think it so so sweet to see their response:).  And LOL, I see in the video that poor Ashlyn apparently didn't get her hair brushed that day;).

Play dough, Snowcakes and 24 weeks

This afternoon I made play dough for the kids.  i wanted to share the recipe with you as it is a pretty good one.

1 C Flour
1/2 C Salt
2 tsp. cream of tartar
1 Tbsp. oil
1 C Water
1 pkg. Kool Aid (optional)

Mix all ingredients in a saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring until thick.  Store in sealable plastic bags or sealable container.  You may wish to keep it refrigerated.  *I opted to mix in some lavender oil to add a nice scent.

Option 2:

2 cups boiling water
1 T oil
2 1/2 cups flour
1/2 cup salt
1 T alum

Mix and knead all ingredients.  Divide in parts and add food coloring if you wish.

 

A few days ago I made pancakes for breakfast.  Hunter often likes to have a different topping on each one.  Suddenly, he says he needs to take his pancake out on the deck. 
"Why?" I ask 
"Because I want to have this one with snow on it" he answers

Later I ask how it tasted.
"Not very good" he replied

 

I am now 24 weeks along in my pregnancy (the age of viability YEAH!!!!!!!!).  It seems to be going very well.  I haven't been very itchy at all lately, which is super.  My last round of liver blood tests were even better than the first as far as the numbers.  He moves a lot, which is also great!  I am not sure if he is just extra active or if it is that Sawyer was really not very active but either way, I am thankful for the movement.  Tonight, as I read to Hunter before bed he had his hand on my belly feeling the kicks.  I asked him if he thought that would feel weird to have something moving in his tummy like that.  He said, "ya, maybe it would be a banana baby."  I have no idea what that meant:).

My ice cream prayer

it is almost midnight and I was almost all set to start heading to bed.  Then I remembered.  I had a brand new 1.5 quart of Breyer's Ice Cream sitting in my freezer-Mint Chocolate Chip.  I decided it really was irresponsible of me to go to bed without making sure it was a good batch. . . well it is good all right.  So good, that I found myself sitting on the couch with the sound of my husband breathing deeply in his sleep as the only accompaniment to the occasional crunch, crunch of my teeth as they found chunks of Chocolate Chip.  I wasn't ready to put back my ice cream just yet so I decided to have some prayer time while I ate. . . it took me about 46 seconds before I was talking to God about my ice cream.  Here is a little glimpse at my prayer:

"God thank you for my family, for my children and my husband.  Please give us wisdom as parents (mind jump) . . . Wow I have so many friends that need prayer right now, I feel overwhelmed at how many people need you (mind jump) . . . Wow, this ice cream really is good and ALL NATURAL!  See God, why am I surprised at that?!  You created everything good right?  Why wouldn't food like this taste amazing?!  You are amazing!  If my ice cream can taste this good and it is only a microscopic reflection of your creation, how PHENOMENAL you must be, I don't even know the half of it I am sure!  My angle of vision feels so limited at times and I hate that I rely so much on what I can see and touch and taste to tell me what is real and how much it matters.  YOU are the MOST important part of my life but you are so darn amazing that when everything else in my life demands my attention you are a patient, ever-present support just ready and waiting.  I love you.  Thank you for loving me just because you choose to, not because I have done anything to earn it.  And thank you for my ice cream:).  Amen"

Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the LORD is good. Blessed is the person who takes refuge in him."

How to make homemade yogurt

For Christmas this last year I asked for a yogurt maker.  I did a bit of research on Amazon to choose which kind of yogurt maker I wanted to buy and decided on the yolife (model YL-210) version.  There are many styles out there and you can even make yogurt without a "maker" but I have been pleased with this brand.  One of the things I liked about this particular brand was that the jars that are included are made of glass (instead of plastic) and that it comes with two different sized covers (so I can make larger batches in my canning jars).  I like knowing exactly what is in it (I really don't like the taste of the artificial sweeteners, nor do I like the potential side effects) and making it myself gives me the assurance of exactly what is in it and that it has a high level of healthy bacteria.  Making homemade yogurt is really pretty easy, here is how I do it:

1. Start with 1 quart of milk (or soymilk).

 

2. Heat milk or on low heat while stirring. Turn off heat before milk reaches boiling point (at about 176˚F-185˚F).  I use my food thermometer to help me know how hot it is.

 

3. Let milk cool until it is lukewarm (about 105˚F).

4. Activate a small amount of milk by thoroughly mixing in recommended amount of yogurt starter (see your yogurt starter package for details) to a small amount of milk until all of the powder is evenly dissolved (I forgot to do that this time around and just mixed it in with all the milk and it happened to work just fine)!

 

5. Mix in the activated milk into the rest of your milk and stir thoroughly (as I said before, I missed this step this time around).

 

6. Pour the mixture into individual glass jars or pour mixture into a larger container (up to 80 oz).  Do not put a lid on the yogurt containers.

 

7. Place the yogurt container(s) inside Yolife and attach the appropriate cover.  Plug in Yolife and set the time indicator (on the top of the lid) to the time you started making your yogurt.

 

8. Your yogurt should be ready in 8-12 hours if using the small jars (as I am in the photo above), or 12-15 hours if using a larger container from home. Remove when a firm curd is formed.

9. If you want to add sweetener or fruit, now is a good time to do it (or there are ways to do it before you make the yogurt, I just haven't tried these methods yet).  I like using agave nectar (rather than honey because it mixes into cold food well), fruit (often my canned peaches or a mashed up banana) or jam to sweeten mine unless I am adding it to a smoothie and then I just use plain.

We are having a . . .

Last week Friday we had our BIG ultrasound.  I was 21 weeks along.  It went great, our little guy is SO active (I LOVE it)!  We got some cute photos of him too, I will show him off below:

 

look at that adorable profile!

 

 

look at the cute foot!

The Dr. said everything looked great and he is right on schedule for growth.  We took another round of blood tests to check on my liver to be sure that my itchiness isn't something to be concerned about.  Lately, my itchiness comes and goes.  It is something that I have had with all my pregnancies so far.  It is also a question in my mind if it was an issue with Sawyer's death (ICP is a liver issue that can be a big concern in pregnancy) so I am glad we are watching it closely. And to clarify, we never were able to find out the exact cause of Sawyer's death.  The plan is to have these blood tests done periodically to monitor some specific levels in my liver to make sure that they all within normal limits and not getting too high.  We did a 24 hour urine test two weeks ago and this same round of blood work that both turned out fine.  I should get the results to this most recent blood work sometime this week and then we can compare with the last set of tests.

As far as finding out that we are having a boy after loosing Sawyer:

Prior to knowing the gender, I was totally ok with either a boy or a girl and really didn't have a preference.  I trusted that God knew what was best for our family.  But now that I know it is a boy, I am so very, very excited about that.  I love that we can look forward to another son and another brother for our kids.  In a small part of the grand scheme of things it feels like one little part of the previous "plan" hasn't been totally broken.  Of course this baby doesn't and couldn't take Sawyer's place, but I believe that God will allow him to help heal some of the hurt created by Sawyer's absence.

Ahhh and there he goes kicking again the active little guy;). . .

Remembered

There is something incredibly touching about being remembered, something that draws us to want to leave our mark in the world.  I think of all the times I have seen names carved out or written on rocks at rest stops or on picnic benches.  I remember when my husband and I first carved out our initials on a tree.  We as humans want to be known AND we want to be remembered.  I think this desire is placed in us by the same God who wants to be known and remembered by us.  Though or time here may be brief, we were created with a lifespan that far exceeds or time on this earth.

 

This photo was taken on the shores of Western Australia by a family that lost their own son, Christian Dudley, before birth.  Later, this family started a unique ministry called To Write Their Names In The Sand.  In their own words, "To Write Their Names In The Sand is a place of remembrance. It is our hope that we can bring rays of hope and light back into bereaved family and friends lives. To watch the sunset and be a witness to Christian's legacy please visit here." 

Since they began this ministry, this couple has since taken requests for over 3,225 names to be written in the sand of the seashore that is just minutes from their home.  Recently Sawyer's name was added to the sand on the shores of Australia--one of two continents that I have not personally visited (the other being Antarctica;).  You can see it on their website here.  I think it turned out  beautiful and feel that it is fitting that his name was captured in the setting sun, just as his time with us quickly faded.  I can't help thinking about the brief time that his name remained in the sand after this photo was captured.  I am sure that the tide quickly swept it away.  It is the same with all of us.  Our lives are short, but they need not be without meaning or impact.  I believe that we cannot know the full meaning or impact that our lives are capable of, without also knowing the God who created us.

The photo below was taken by Emily, who lives in Hawaii and had a stillborn son, Gabriel in 2002 (incidentally also on May 10th).  Emily says this on her website, "For his angelversary my sister wrote his name in the sand at a beach close to her home on the Windward Shore of Hawaii. It is a special beach set aside as a ‘quiet place of reflection’. I love how the photo turned out- and it seems so suitable to me that it is not a permanent thing, but rather, just like Gabriel, it is here for just a minute and then gone. But for a brief moment, the world is a little different because of him.
"  You can see her website here.  Thank you to both Christian and Gabriel's families for creating beautiful memories for families who have lost a child.

 

*

14 for [God] knows how we are formed,
       he remembers that we are dust.

 15 As for man, his days are like grass,
       he flourishes like a flower of the field;

 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone,
       and its place remembers it no more.  Psalm 103:14-16

*

6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD 
       forever.  Psalm 23: 5-6

*

17 May his name endure forever;
       may it continue as long as the sun.
       All nations will be blessed through him,
       and they will call him blessed.

 18 Praise be to the LORD God, the God of Israel,
       who alone does marvelous deeds.  Psalm 72: 17-18

*

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
       And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

 26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
       but God is the strength of my heart
       and my portion forever. Psalm 73:25-27

*

1 I will sing of the LORD's great love forever;
       with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. 

 2 I will declare that your love stands firm forever,
       that you established your faithfulness in heaven itself.  Psalm 89:1-2

*

4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
       and his courts with praise;
       give thanks to him and praise his name.

 5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
       his faithfulness continues through all generations.  Psalm 100:4-5

*

5 Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely,
       who conducts his affairs with justice.

 6 Surely he will never be shaken;
       a righteous man will be remembered forever.

 7 He will have no fear of bad news;
       his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.  Psalm 112:5-7

*

1 Praise the LORD, all you nations;
       extol him, all you peoples.

 2 For great is his love toward us,
       and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever.
       Praise the LORD.  Psalm 117

An interesting milestone

Today I am 20 weeks pregnant!  As those of you who have ever lost a baby may know, 20 weeks is the tipping point at which losing a baby is officially classified as a "stillbirth" rather than a "miscarriage" (although in Europe I believe it is 24 weeks). 

I still remember the first time someone told me (after losing Sawyer 3 weeks before his due date) that they were "so sorry to hear of my miscarriage" and how that just didn't sit right with me.  The loss of a baby at any stage is awful, please don't misunderstand me.  I think what made it hard for my particular loss to be called a miscarriage was that the sage of gestation represented one of the only things I had with Sawyer, those weeks, each of them, were our days together.  I wanted them to know that we were together for a LONG time.  I went through labor, gave birth to him, held him, fully developed in my arms and that he was old enough to live outside me (and most likely be considered full term) had he been born alive.  It is hard for me to really explain. . .  BUT all that to say that today represents a "new stage" of my pregnancy and in a strange sense, it feels like a stage to celebrate (even though I am guessing for most moms who haven't lost a baby, they are usually focusing on the simple fact that they are half way to the end).  So. . . here's to 20 weeks!

 

And for those of you who are wondering about the baby's gender. . . we don't know FOR SURE yet.  Last Friday when the dr. did his QUICK ultrasound he told me that the cord was in the way to give him a clear view, he had a guess but I am going to wait until we know for sure to share with you :).  My "big" ultrasound is on the 27th.

And as a side note, I am wearing a "blush topless undershirt" in this photo (it is cream with black lace) as my jacket was not maternity so I needed more "length".

How to make homemade butter

Interestingly, drinking raw milk is very controversial* but I guess I shouldn't be surprised--everything seems to be these days.  A few months ago I found out that a local man (who also happens to be a nurse during his day job) has some cows and sells the raw milk.  Several of my friends buy from him.  As I like the idea of eating healthy,I was very intrigued and started researching this topic (the pros and the cons) to find out more.  Aside from being a very interesting history (the reason why milk started being pasteurized), it was also fascinating to learn how very healthy raw milk can be.  Here is one raw milk website that I learned a lot from.  So we have started buying our milk from this man and my family loves it.  Part of the fun is that you not only get milk but you can take the cream off the top to make whipping cream, butter and buttermilk!

As I write this my husband is making butter.  I have taken photos of the process we use.

1) skim off the cream from the top of the milk (we let our milk set in the fridge for about 24 hours to allow as much as possible to rise to the top).
 
(above is just the cream from the top of the milk)

2) put the cream in the blender.

3) blend past the stage where it turns to whipping cream.

4) the whipping cream will then turn to start forming into clumps of butter (how long this takes depends on how fast you are blending).

5) after it starts clumping up it separates and is now butter in buttermilk.

6) pour off the buttermilk and save for other recipes.

7) add water to the butter and blend, then pour off the water.  Repeat this process again and again until the water is totally clear.  This makes the butter taste the best and last the longest.  Trent did this rinsing process at least 4-5 times.
  
 

8) form into a solid mass on top of a paper towel and wring out any excess water (and if you wish, add salt or fruit preserves if you wish to make special varieties of butter--here Trent is adding Sea Salt).

9) refrigerate and enjoy!

It is pretty fun!

*like anything else I suggest you research the topic of using raw milk for yourself before deciding it if is right for your family.  Also, the most important factor is to be confident that the process that the milk goes through before it gets to you is totally clean and sanitary so be sure you know what is happening before it gets to your family.

An unexpected direction

Today a good friend of mine, one that walked closely with me through Sawyer's death started walking her own journey of grief.  She was pregnant with twins, due to deliver tomorrow.  Today she found out that one of the twins had died (the other was doing ok).  She has given birth and is now beginning her unexpected path of pain with one child's death alongside the birth and joy of her other child.  Upon hearing the news I was SO torn inside for her.  I wanted to run to her side and hold her and cry with her and assure her that it was ok to not be ok, that she was not alone in this.  The tears and sobs for her come so easily.  It is a strange sort of sympathy as it truly is about her pain, but is so much deeper because of my own.  It is the deep down realization of how real her pain is--it is the understanding of the implications her loss, that make it so much more intense.  It is that sympathy that only those that have lived it can fully have and with that I feel a different kind of responsibility. 

When I heard the news today it was interesting that my mind thought, "Oh noooooo!  Not another one [baby dying]. . ." as opposed to the disbelief that this could even happen.  She was one day away from her scheduled C-Section, one day. . . I hate that this reality of babies dying has become so real to me.  So many of you have shared your losses with me that I know unfortunately, this is not a pain that is rare.  I want to know that my pain can serve a purpose and help me better help her, I want to honor my lessons learned by living them out if that makes sense.  But at the same time as much as I have also lost a baby, I have not walked HER road or felt HER pain and her situation is different from mine and because each person is different and unique, knowing how to best support them can be difficult.  So I pray that I can do anything that she would find helpful for me to do and that I can fill in all the extra areas with prayer.  Will you please join with me in prayer for my friend?

I remember getting emails from many of you after Sawyer died and you would say that you were emailing me while holding your newborn baby in your arms or while feeling your baby kick in your womb and how grateful you were in a whole new way for the life still living with you.  Now I am on the other side of that, sitting here knowing she is grieving and I am feeling kicking. . . it doesn't seem fair.  But I am so grateful, oh so very thankful for each kick that I feel!  I am now 18 weeks along (19 weeks as of tomorrow) and have been feeling movement since week 16.  Last night Trent tried (unsuccessfully) to feel the movement too but I guess it is still a little early.  I can honestly say that I don't know if there has been a single movement that I have felt within my womb that has not stopped me mentally and caused me to smile inwardly and think "thank you God, this baby is still alive and well".  It is also such a gift to not have to wait for my next dr. appointment to get assurance that the baby is still alive.  Now feeling movement, I know!

Tomorrow (the 10th) is 9 months since Sawyer was born.  It is with a longing heart that I remember him.  I have learned so much because of his life and death, things that I needed to know to become more of who I am and, I feel, to better equip me to be who God wants me to be.  It is a process and a journey but just as one step at a time brings us closer to a new destination, one event after another can bring about a new direction in our lives--direction that we never saw for ourselves, but that can be exactly where we need to go.  It is my prayer that as events unfold throughout our lives we will see the direction that God can take us and be open to following him, in faith.

P.S. I know I haven't been doing very good at writing personal posts lately.  I have been very preoccupied with work (due to the CPSIA stuff that I have mentioned in a few prior posts).  But I want to write more often so you can be looking for that.

Song and Dance Man - book bag 1

Before I was a mom, I was a second grade teacher.  I had a major in elementary education and a minor in reading.  I LOVED children's literature, I still do.  Reading with our kids is something that I have enjoyed doing since they were babies.  To my sheer delight Hunter shares my love for literature and is an excellent reader himself.  This weekend I rediscovered a project that I had created for my second graders that Hunter is really enjoying. I wanted to share it with you in case it might get your creative juices flowing as well.

Books are such a great starting point for so many topics and subjects.  I love how well they lead into discussions and can be a great segway into games.  When I taught second grade I made a slew of homemade "book bags".  I combined a book that explored a concept or lesson and activities or games that reinforced them and packaged them together in a fabric bag with a pattern that gives a preview of the contents.  When I taught, I let my students borrow one a week to take home and have fun with.  To my great pleasure, Hunter is just as excited to explore these book bags as my students were.

The book bag that we did tonight was based on the book Song and Dance Man (which you can purchase used on Amazon for just $0.01 plus shipping).  Amazon describes the book like this:

"Once a song and dance man, Grandpa reclaims his youth and profession before the delighted eyes of his three grandchildren one afternoon. He simply cannot resist the urge to dress up in clothes left over from his vaudeville days--complete with top hat and gold-headed cane--and to perform tricks, play banjo and tell jokes. He taps, twirls and laughs himself to tears on a thrown-together stage in his attic."

I read the book to Hunter and afterward we found two quarters, I put one in each toe of Hunter's sock (to make his own tap shoes) and he found a hat in his room.  He was happy to put on a show for Trent, Ashlyn and I.  I recorded one of his many performances and would love to share it with you.  In the book it talked about how the Song and Dance Man starting out his dance nice and slow, "making soft, slippery sounds like rain on a tin roof." You will notice in the video that Hunter did the same;).  After his many tap dancing shows his art project was to draw a picture of himself dancing which he gladly did (complete with quarters in his socks;).  It was a lot of fun.  Before he went to bed tonight he picked out the one he wants to do tomorrow.

 

The book bag shown in the photo above is a fabric that has music notes all over it.  I went to fabric stores looking for remnants for these bags.  The photo below shows the activities that can be done with this book.  If you click on it, it will open up larger so hopefully you can read it.  There is a grandparent interview that is fun to do too!

It is nice that I have all these already made but it wouldn't take long to use folders and in one pocket put a book and in the other pocket ideas for games or activities to go along with them.  Let me know how you like this idea and if you would find it helpful to hear about some of the other book bags we do and I will be happy to share!