My cardboard testimony by Heather Ledeboer

Last week Jenna sent me a link to a YouTube video.  As I watched it, I couldn't help but cry. 

I LOVE that we are all walking around with a testimony unique to us.  I LOVE that in the video they used cardboard to write their testimonies on.  It reminds me of beggars on the side of the street holding on to their "story" with the reason they need help scribbled out on the side of a box.  Sometimes that is exactly how I feel, worn out and ragged, clinging desperately to what defines me and hoping someone will be willing to reach out in kindness.  Can you relate to that at all?  Are we not all in need of help?  We can't control the fact that we live in a broken world and because of that, we are all walking wounded.  What we can control is what we do with our brokenness.

Several of you have emailed me and said that you don't think you could respond the way I have to the death of my son, if you were in a similar situation.  I understand what you mean.  In fact, having a child die late in pregnancy was (as I have mentioned before) one of my "great fears".  Don't we all have a little list of things that we would never want to experience?  This was on my list and right up toward the very top.  I say that not to make you feel bad for me, but rather to point out the fact that I didn't think I could handle something like this either.  The fact that I have deserves some explanation wouldn't you say?

A few weeks before Sawyer died, we were visiting some good friends and discussing the topic of spiritual gifts.  For those of you who may not be familiar with this topic, it is found in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 12:1-14.  One of the gifts listed is the gift of Faith.  Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."  it then goes on to name people in the Bible that demonstrated great faith, people like Noah, Abraham, Moses, and others--normal people who were blessed with a faith to do extraordinary things for God.  As I thought about these examples of faith driven people in the Bible I remembered the verse in James 1:5-7 that says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord” The book of Ecclesiastes has always fascinated me because it is all about wisdom and for as long as I can remember I have been impressed with King Solomon in the bible who, when God gave him the chance to ask for anything, asked for wisdom (you can find that story in 1 Kings 3:1-28)—Solomon was later the one that wrote the book of Ecclesiastes.  Because of Solomon's example, I have prayed for wisdom ever since I was young.  However, I don't recall that I had ever specifically prayed that God would give me a gift of faith, so on that day I did.  I prayed that God would give me a gift of faith, extra faith, faith to trust him in all situations. 

I didn't think much about that prayer in the coming days.  In fact, I practically forgot that I had even prayed it until about a week ago when I was sent an email on the topic of faith and I was reminded of the prayer I had prayed shortly before Sawyer died asking for greater faith.  Suddenly it all made sense, of course, no wonder I have had peace through the storm, no wonder I have felt carried, no wonder I haven't been angry at God. . . it was because God was faithful to his word and gave me what I asked for, greater faith.  Not only that, but he was gracious enough to give it exactly when I needed it most.

I would love for you to watch the YouTube video, if your computer connection allows you to.  Then I would love for you to think about your life.  If you have a relationship with God, what is your cardboard testimony?  If you don't have a relationship with God, I would encourage you to consider asking God to show you what your cardboard testimony could be if you were to place your trust in him.

I gave some thought to what my cardboard testimony is and wanted to share it with you.  I would love for you to share yours with me.  You can post it in the comments or send me a photo.  If you send me your photo, please let me know if I am free to also post it on my blog to share with others (if you would rather I not share it just let me know).

"We live by what we believe, not by what we can see." 2 Corinthians 5:7

How you can pray: That your own faith will be increased.

What I am thankful for: The redemptive part of testimony.

Comments

[laissezfaire]

This post almost brought me to tears...Thanks for the encouraging all of us to pray to ask God what our cardboard testimony could be if we were to place our trust in him. I will be...xoxoSu Ling

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh, this is just so raw and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing!

Steph

[Jessica]

There are so many ways I need a deeper faith. A stronger walk. I feel so fickle today. Thank you for the challenge. God brought you/your blog into my life for a reason. Thank you so much for being attentive to His Voice.

Going to find some cardboard...

[Kira]

I watched this at 12 a.m. last night and cried and talked to the video the whole time. Seeing your cardboard testimony was the most bittersweet thing I've ever witnessed. I am praying for God to show me what mine is and I will share it when He reveals it. I keep thinking of this verse when I read your blog:

"Now let your light so shine before men that they might see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven." Matt 5:16

You are doing that.

[dana]

i'm pretty sure you know what MINE would say :)

such a beautiful post, as usual

xoxo

[Amy]

hmmm - I will have to think about this a bit more - I love the video and your post - of course =) How amazing that God answered your prayer for faith so quickly - for many this is a lifelong study or lesson. He using you in important ways, in so many lives - very exciting in the midst of the sorrow.

[Emily]

Another encouraging post Heather. I loved that video... It made me cry too. I liked your cardboard testimony as well. I think if I were to make mine, it would say-
"Had two miscarriages, survived a terrible car accident with my husband and daughter, and then lost a daughter at 23weeks... Gained a greater trust in and understanding of my God the Comforter, the Healer, the Protecter."

[Sarah W]

This moved me so much I posted it on my journal as well! I didn't have a piece of cardboard, but if I did I would write this....
"Once was selfish and only thought of myself and my needs" "Now I serve His people as a missionary in Botswana Africa"

Thanks for giving me something to reflect on! Praise God that He transforms our junk into something beautiful! Hugs!

[Bliss]

This is what mine would say. "Born with a heart defect,and needed a miracle to survive."... "Searching everyday for God's purpose for me here on earth.I know I'm here for a reason,he worked a miracle for me to stay here!"

[Lily]

Praise God for how He orchestrates everything into a mighty work. I once heard that God is weaving a beautiful tapestry with our lives. When we look up at God's handiwork all we see are the pieces of yarn hanging down in disarray. But God looking down sees a woven masterpiece.
I have missed reading your blog, we're in Canada on our yearly migration to be with family. Looking forward to going back and reading what I've missed.

[Sara]

http://itsnotaboutthatanyway.blogspot.com/2008/06/cardboard-testimony.html

Here's mine. Thank you Heather for sharing. I sobbed, guess I needed it.

[Beth]

Thank you for sharing your loss with us... I have been touched with great emotion reading your words and seeing your precious baby. I have experienced two miscarriages and d&c's but never a stillbirth.. it is also a great fear of mine. I struggle with fear- but I too am learning to put my complete trust and faith in my savior that he will be with me as I pass through the fire- I will not be burned and the waves will not consume me. Thanks for sharing your honest grief and how the Lord is carrying you through. I love you business and I love that you are truly a woman 4 the kingdom of God- I know he is using you as you minister to others by pointing them to Christ. Our only hope is Christ!

Blessings to you and your family!
Your sister in Christ,
Beth

[Lois Lane]

your face in the last photo is the epitome of hope and beauty. thanks for being so real with your readers.

[ter]

Thank you for sharing. It brought tears to my eyes.

[Kate Shaw]

We did that at our focus event at Real Life last year. It was so powerful. We have a video of it I would love to share it with you. Thanks for the date last night:) Kate