The waiting game by Heather Ledeboer

An update 8:00 PM: We are now headed in to get things started.  Depending on how "ripe" my cervix is will likely depend on how long it takes.  As I was cleaning today, I went through my birth info given to me a few weeks ago by my midwife.  Pulling out the papers filled with info on how to breastfeed, how to take care of your infant, etc was another one of those reminders that I am not the same mom today that I was last week.  I am walking a road that so many of you have walked before me.  The path ahead (giving birth) has been looming over me.  Today I felt as if God was allowing me to realize that my “fear” of giving birth to Sawyer is not necessary.  I felt as if He was wanting me to realize that He loves me, He will not abandon me during this time of need for Him but that He will carry me through it.  I just need to trust in my Heavenly Father, he created me, He knows my needs even before I ask. 

Still waiting. . . no test results from my blood work yesterday yet.  My midwife will check again in an hour or so and then call into the lab if nothing is posted on her computer.  Isn't waiting a test of patience?  It is hard not to get stir crazy so my husband and I are organizing our bedroom LOL.  My in laws arrived last night and the kids love having them around.  We are enjoying their presence and extra help as well.  A friend sent me this verse today and I like it a lot.  I am going to write it out and post it somewhere I can see it often:

"When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings" (Psalm 84:6).

Comments

[Jessica H.]

ah, what a great verse. We are praying hard for you guys.

[misty]

hi heather, i just wanted to say that i have been so blessed and encouraged by you these last few days. you have been such a witness of our Saviour and it has been a blessing to see you firm in what you believe. i have prayed that the mom's who don't know Christ have had a seed planted by what you have shared. what a opportunity you have had in this extremely difficult time to show how great and sovereign He really is. i'm sure that God is looking down on you and saying, "good job my faithful daughter, i am well-pleased." you are an inspiration, you are amazing, you are such a blessing to us all and i thank you. thanks for allowing us to be apart of this so we can pray your family through it. in a book i have it discusses this situation and i am always encouraged by what the parents wrote on the gravestone: "awake or asleep we live together with Him." i love that. you are in our prayers beautiful mommy! Is. 55:8-9 is the verse that i think of for you. misty

[Andrea Terry]

Hi Heather, I had posted a message here yesterday but it didn't go through for some reason. I just want you to know that you are on my heart and mind constantly and I have been near constant prayer for you. I hope Hunter is doing ok with all of this. Your faith and your strength is an inspiration to us all. I know that this ordeal you are going through is allowing others who may not know the Lord to see his love and his faithfulness as you share your story. Know that you have an entire army of mommies out there praying for you!

[Stephanie]

Heather, I can't begin to imagine what you are experiencing right now. My heart is breaking for you and your family. No one knows why these things happen, except for God. My dad told me, after my mom died, that he sees God as the Master Quilter. We only see the underside of the quilt, so we don't understand why certain things happen. God, however, sees the top, and has a plan for His beautiful quilt. We will understand once we join Him in Heaven. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. You are a strong, amazing woman. God is proud of His child. You are an inspriration. I hope that you get the test results back soon, that the labor is as easy as possible, and that you find a meaningful way to say good-bye to Sawyer. I pray for comfort and peace for you, your husband, and your children. May He give you peace.

[Rose Cochran]

What a beautiful verse. Your continued blogging is refreshing and an inspiration of the goodness of God. Thank you for sharing in your time of grief. You and your family are in my prayers.

[Christina]

You really are an amazing example to all of us. My family and I will keep you and your family in our prayers. God bless you all through these horrible times!

[Jen]

My thoughts and prayers are with you tonight as you begin this process. I pray that you feel God's grace and unconditional love as you begin this part of your journey. You are an inspiration to all of us moms and I feel so blessed to know you.

~Jen

[Danielle]

Heather,
I had not posted a comment as I could not figure out the "right" thing to say.
But I have to say that you are a complete inspiration, your faith is so strong in a time that most would question it. You are a amazing woman.
I will keep you & your family in my prayers & pray that god holds your hand through labor.
I don't know if you have gone in yet but there is a project called the baby james project, for after birth photos by a photographer.

God Bless
~Danielle

~Danielle

[M]

Hi Heather,
I've been thinking of you all day with a lump in my throat and trying hard not to cry.
With my 4th pregnancy which ended in a miscarriage (which I know does not compare to what you are going through) I went to the doctor's office and there was no heartbeat. I was devastated and was in denial. I prayed and begged God to give me my baby back. I was praying for a miracle and hoping that the doctor made a mistake and that my baby was alive and healthy. I felt like I was hanging on to the pregnancy as long as I could and my heart just didn't want to let the baby go. After praying and praying I finally gave in and just said "God let thy will be done" Instantly my water broke and I went to the bathroom and caught my tiny baby in my hand(Which I didn't expect).
I cried for months. I ended up getting pregnant 2 months later and have my beautiful daughter.

The road ahead of you Heather will be tough, especially after you give birth to Sawyer and see him and then have to let him go.

I will continue to have you in my thoughts and prayers

[Christi]

Even though you are on an emotional roller coaster, God is steadfast in His love for you. I praise Him for his faithfulness. Even when we struggle to find the right words of encouragement, He never struggles. Even though some of us couldn't even imagine what you're going thru, God knows.

I pray that you will feel our Father even closer now than ever before. That your delivery would be peaceful and that you are able to sense God's arms wrapped around you.

We're still praying and will continue to pray for your journey in the days to come.

[Christine]

Heather~
Our prayers are with you and your family as well. We lost our daughter at about the same time as you, but 5 years ago. We understand and know the pain you are experiencing and we also know how powerful prayer and family and friends are during this time. Obviously you are in such good hands with an incredible support system. You and your husband will need their continued support well after you give birth to baby Sawyer. So many will forget as time passes by, but please know that mothers like myself and many others will never forget your baby Sawyer. I hope that everytime you see a butterfly flitter by, you know he is there watching over you and your family. You have been blessed with his presence, however short it may have been on earth, but he will live on eternally in your heart and mind. He had a purpose. Give your husband big hugs too, so many people forget that the dad is suffering too. God bless you and your family and God bless the new little angel Sawyer.
Christine and family

[penny peng]

My prayer goes to you and your family.

[Sheila]

Heather,

You and your family continue to be what I think about each day and how God is helping you peacefully through this hard time. I continue to pray and you are such an inspiration and a strong, beautiful and wonderful mother! Peace be with you and your family Heather.

(((((HUGS)))))

[casual friday everyday]

Your faith in God is inspiring and beautiful.

[Shannon]

Heather,

Having had five miscarriages, I have a deep and abiding empathy and compassion for you and your family. Your blog entries are so full of grace and the light of Christ's heart that they pull and tug at the residual pain and grief of my own miscarriages. I think you are helping all of us in your quest to help your own family. You are leading by example through your poignant and heartfelt words. Although you are full of your faith in these moments, I know that there will be times over the next weeks where you feel far from grace and peace, and it is in those moments that I pray that God will bring you a person, a picture, or a moment that will ease your grief. I pray that His whisper in your heart will bring you the balm of Gilead.
Shannon

[me in South Africa]

Heather, I am in tears reading your blog. My family and I will be holding you up in prayer during this difficult time. A previous comment said that our heavenly Father is the Master Quilter. My version is a puzzle - we build a piece of puzzle here on earth, but we cannot sit back and see the finished picture and sometimes the piece we get given for that day just doesn't seem to fit where we imagine, but God knows where it fits and whose life it will influence or complete. And your testimony is very powerful not just to unbelievers but to us as believers. We are thinking of you on the other side of the ocean

[kara]

praying for you heather.
so true
waiting is a test of patience.

[Becky]

You are still on my mind as I read all your posts. I have not been a praying person for a long while but I have said many for you recently. You faith and strength are something amazing. Bless you and your family.

[Jenny]

Hi Heather,
I am in tears reading your blog. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I pray that you feel God's grace and unconditional love as you begin this part of your journey. You are an inspiration to all of us moms. Bless you and your family.

[Allie]

My heart aches for you and your family, but your strength and pursuit of God and His will is inspiring. My prayers for you continue.

[dana]

every time i come here to check for updates, i get a huge lump in my throat. i just don't know whether to wish for the birth to be over or to wish that you haven't gotten that far yet.

there are going to be so many different stages to grieve in this process, i don't know which will be the worst.

all i do know is that i will continue to hope that you have to feel the least amount of pain (emotional and physical) that is possible in this situation. i try to imagine how i would be in your shoes, and my mind simply will not go there.

sooooooooo many people are thinking of you right now. it gives me peace to know that you feel the support from everyone.

love, dana

[Nicole Harrigan]

Heather,

My heart goes out to you and your family in this difficult time. I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through right now. Your faith during this time is an inspiration. I wish you and yours well.

Nicole

[Carol]

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Audrey - Pinks & Blues]

Heather,
Thinking and praying for you.
My heart is with you.
Much love,
Audrey

[Kim (De Groot) Darling]

Heather... I just wanted you to know that I've been thinking about you. I spent a good portion of last night praying for you as you went through the labor of love that you will never forget. The pain of losing a baby is fresh for me also. We lost our baby girl, Brianna, on Valentine's Day this year. I'm here if you ever want to talk to someone who knows and understands the pain of losing a baby. I'm so sorry for your loss. ~Kim

[Amanda]

Heather, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.