Sawyer's birth (part 2) by Heather Ledeboer

(If you are new to this blog and wish to see the story of our son from the first post, click on the category to the left titled "From a Mom 4 Life" and scroll to the bottom of the page).

A few days ago I started telling you a bit about Sawyer's birth and I said I wanted to sit down and write out what I remember from the birth while it was still fresh in my mind.  Below are my memories of that speical day:

Several months ago I found out about a new movie coming out called "The Business of Being Born".  I was really interested in seeing this movie.  A good friend of mine had given birth at home and I was really fascinated by this as I had never known anyone to give birth outside of a hospital before.  My husband and I rented this move and after watching it, I was inspired to take the opportunity to give birth naturally at home.  Our first two children were born in a hospital and to me, this seemed like one of those things that would be amazingly empowering and I was very excited to have a birth experience like this.

I called our local birthing center to inquire about this option.  When I did, I discovered that the month I was due (May) was filled up with the number of women they can comfortably commit to caring for given the number of midwifes they have on staff.  This meant that they would not be able to take me on as a new patient.  I was really disappointed to hear this and asked if they had any suggestions for me.  I was told they would call me back and when I did, they told me that they were able to squeeze me in and I could give birth though their center.  This was really exciting for me and from the first appointment I was sure this experience would be totally different than the births of my first two children.

I was well along in my pregnancy when I switched care providers and it was really interesting to see the varied responses I would get from friends, family and acquaintances when they found out I was planning on giving birth at home with a midwife.  I am typically an "all or nothing" kind of person so I guess I figured if I was not going to give birth in a hospital, I may as well do it in the comfort of my own home.  An added blessing was the fact that I discovered that the women working at the birthing center are Christians and share my love for God.  I had no idea at the time that these decisions and plans would later benefit me emotionally when we discovered that Sawyer would not be born alive.

On May 8th (three days after we found out that Sawyer no longer had a heartbeat), my good friend Heather (who had flown out the day after I got the news to be with me during this time) was at my house helping me to get everything gathered together for after Sawyer was born.  She was the friend that had given birth at home inspiring my decision to do the same.  We worked to make sure that we had everything in one place (things to make foot imprints, hand imprints, to cut a lock of hair).  I had a cute outfit to dress him in and a list of things we wanted to do so that nothing would be forgotten when the time came.

On this same day our dear friends Richie and Katie came over and prayed with us.  What an amazing blessing it is to have friends lift you up in prayer.  It is humbling and strengthening.  It is an assurance that God cares and here are people in the flesh willing to reach out and be the proof that God loves us and remind us that we are not alone.
    

On May 9th my husband and I drove into to town to see my midwife around 8:30 PM.  On the way in I was having light contractions about 5 minutes apart.  I had been having contractions all week so I wasn't sure if these were anything different or not but it was encouraging to see that they seemed consistent.  My midwife did an internal exam to see that I was dilated 2 cm and was 50% effaced.  We were ready to officially encourage labor along at that time.  We stopped at my friend Lori's house to pick up a special baby blanket that Lori and my friend Sarah had bought us for wrapping Sawyer in after he was born (with the thought that we could keep this blanket to remember him by).  My contractions stayed consistent during our visit and the drive home and had moved to 4 minutes apart.  On the drive home, I called my good friend Heather.  She met us at our home and we began our evening.  I was sipping Raspberry Leaf Tea and eating chocolate chip cookies (you don't get those in a hospital:) and we were timing the contractions.  Going into my labor I felt that God had assured me that he would carry me though this, that I would not be alone.   

It was a strange mix of emotions, going into labor.  It should be a time of excitement and anticipation and for me it was.  However, it was also a time of mourning and a feeling that this began a new countdown--a countdown to saying good bye to our dear son.  Overall I felt a peace that could have only come from God and I had a trust that he would not let me fall and that I was not doing this alone.

Our kids were asleep in their beds, my in-laws were downstairs sleeping and my husband Trent and friend Heather and I continued to track my contractions.  As we made progress, Heather would email updates to my friend Sarah who would then send out email updates to several friends.  Our system was like a well oiled machine:)! 

Her email at 11:50 PM stated:
"Contractions are about 2-3 minutes apart, Heather is in the shower.  Her spirits are good.  she is being light hearted and even laughing a bit.  Everything is ready.  She has had a few quiet moments so I think she is in a good place."

As it got later I think that Trent knew he probably shouldn't go to bed but the poor guy was likely quite tired.  As I bounced up and down on a birthing ball sipping tea and waiting for the next contraction Heather and I were entertained by him playing Super Mario Cart Wii against some people in Japan.

The time seemed to move quickly and by May 10, 2:03 AM Heather wrote this to Sarah in her email:
"Contractions have gotten stronger, just called the midwife, she'll be here in about 30 minutes.  Heather is getting a little quieter, she's in her room praying, I think all is going well."

My friends had sent me songs to compile on a CD for me to listen to during my labor and delivery.  The songs they had chosen were perfect.  Many of them were songs that had already been on my heart that week and they put to words the feelings I was having inside.  As Heather had written in her email, I was in my bedroom, lit by candlelight, on my knees listening to a CD of music praying and crying out to God for strength.

At 3:32 AM Heather wrote:
“The midwife just checked Heather and she is dilated to a 3.  Heather is going to lay down for a little while.  The midwife is going back to the birth center to deliver another baby.  Heather and I had a wonderful prayer time.  She is really present and leaning on God.  I'm gonna rest a while too.  Hopefully I'll have an update soon with some progress."

At first I really didn't want to try to rest or sleep.  I felt as though these were my last moments with my baby and that this labor was in some way my last act of love for him.  I knew that in the coming days I would not have the same opportunity to be exhausted from sleepless nights with my baby as other moms would so it didn't feel right to sleep.  My midwife convinced me though to consider that this labor may be very long and I would need my strength.  I decided to try resting but was pretty sure that there was no way I could actually fall asleep with my contractions.  Two hours later I woke up to stronger contractions and thought "you are kidding me, I actually slept:)?"  I was pretty interested to see how close my contractions were at that point because they certainly were stronger.  My midwife had asked us to call her when the contractions were 3-4 min apart and at least 40 seconds long and too painful for me to talk during them.  I determined that my contractions qualified for the requirement of being too painful to talk through but they were not yet close enough or long enough.  At 6:30 AM I decided to take a bath and for about 30 min I "relaxed" in the bath between strong contractions.

After my bath, my contractions started getting closer together.  I remember laboring over the birthing ball, with little Sawyers blanket draped over it and just crying.  This was not the labor I had in mind only a few days ago.  So much had changed in such a short amount of time.  How I wished that things could be different, I wanted so much to welcome him into the world with a smile on my face crying happy tears of joy.  I wanted to show him off to family and friends and fall asleep with him safely by my side.  I wanted to have fun trying out new Mom 4 Life baby products with him.  I wanted to break open the box in our garage holding a new infant car seat and take him for his first car ride.  I wanted to feel him kicking inside me once again.  This however was not my future.  I had a new reality waiting for me on he other side of these contractions and I need to be ready to face it.


At 7:30AM we called my midwife to come back to the house.  Heather was helping me through my contractions with sweet, gentle, encouraging words.  By the time the midwife arrived it was about 8:00AM and when she checked I was 7 cm dilated.  Things were moving along quite well.  My friend Lori (who gave us Sawyer's blanket draped over the birth ball in the photo above) had a friend that was a photographer that had also experienced the death of her baby.  She lovingly offers to take photos for families such as ours.  We wanted ideally to give her an hour notice before I gave birth to give her time to get to our house and set up so that we could start taking photos as soon as possible after Sawyer was born.  Another lady was coming along with her to offer her services to make some beautiful impressions of Sawyer's hands and feet and one with our entire families hand prints.  Around 8:30AM we called to let them know that I was pretty close and they should start heading our way.  My midwife started filling up my bath with warm water and not long after that I could tell that my contractions were changing and I was starting to feel like I needed to push.  I moved from my bedroom to the bathroom and did my best to get my pants off between contractions (I chuckle as I think back on this noting how different it is in a hospital where I would have been half naked hours before this point and would have been laying on my back in bed for many contractions before this one).  My midwife told me to go ahead and try pushing and see how it felt, if it felt good, keep doing it, if not hold off a bit longer.  Another contraction came on and I sat down on the toilet to try to brace and push though it "No! not, on the toilet!" I am told--opps:)!  Between that contraction and the next I just barely got into the tub and squatted down and was able to push again.  I remember saying "I can feel something coming."  What a silly thing to say right?  What else would be coming except my sweet baby:)?  Just moments after that (and right before 9:00AM) Sawyers little head came out and I remember sitting there in my bath holding his head in my hands.  My midwife was positioned right behind me and on the next contraction his body came out (I kept thinking "Wow that was fast" and later thinking that I was really glad I didn't stick around on that toilet any longer than I did!).  It was an amazing surreal moment to birth Sawyer in my home, into my hands.  Trent was behind me and was overcome with emotion.  I felt a feeling of calm over me and a desire simply to treasure each and every moment that I could of this fleeting day.  Things had moved along so quickly that the photographer had not yet arrived.  His skin was very fragile, so in order to help preserve little Sawyer as long as possible, we kept him in the water until she arrived.  Trent and i just sat there and stared at our little son as the minutes past.  He little body was so still and I found myself trying to will him to move, just to wake up and surprise us all.  His little body was all perfectly formed.  He had dark brown hair and a perfect little nose and lips.  We had thought that perhaps at birth we would see something about his appearance that would help us know why he had died but we couldn't see anything about his appearance that would point to a chromosomal problem.  The cord had been over his shoulder but was plenty long so that didn't appear to be part of the problem either.

Once the photographer arrived, we took him out of the water and weighed him (he was 4 pounds, 7 oz).   Because his skin was so fragile we opted not to dress him and simply wrapped him up in his special blanket.  The photographer began taking photos of Sawyer in our bedroom while I took a few moments to dress myself and attempt to fix my hair in a way that would look presentable for photos.  I remember thinking, what mom wants to have to get ready to take her first and last photos with her child just moments after giving birth?  I had to just keep reminding myself that this situation, although not my ideal plan was now our new reality and I needed to embrace it for what it was and take it all in.

After Sawyer was all wrapped up in his blanket and we were ready to take photos we invited our kids into the room.  We asked them if they wanted to see their brother.  Hunter was very ready and eager to see his face.  His first words were "I miss him already".  He then asked other questions about why his eyes were closed and if Sawyer could come back from Heaven to play with him.  Ashlyn was very hesitant, she was content to be near Sawyer but when we tried to take a photo of Sawyer's feet nestled in our families hands she did not want to put her hands near him.  I really wanted the photo but didn't want to push her to do it if she didn't want to.  We took lots of photos and when we get them back I will gladly share some of them with you. 

After the photos were done, we did the impressions in clay of our families hands.  In the photo below the lady in the red hat was doing the impressions and she was positioning Trent's hands into the clay while I watched.  I am told we should get these back in several weeks.  Both the photographer and the lady that did the impressions offer their services to us free of charge as a gift to families like ours.  It is such a unique and precious gift to give, we will always treasure them!

After we had done everything we had wanted to do, we just took time to hold Sawyer for a while longer in bed.  It is so hard to know when to say good bye, when to let go for the last time.  How can you ever be "ready" to hand your child to someone else knowing you will never again see them, this side of Heaven?  When it was time, we held on to the soft blue blanket he was being held in and wrapped him in another receiving blanket from my friend Heather.  As I wrapped him up I began to cry again thinking that this was the first and last time I would ever swaddle Sawyer.  Just a short time before we had been holding him and his little nose started to bleed and as I gently wiped it with a tissue I thought to myself, this is the only time I will ever get to wipe his nose.  It tears at your heart to have these thoughts filled with so much finality all wrapped up into one experience.

We gave Sawyer to our midwife and she brought him to the man from the funeral home.  Later our son asked why that man took Sawyer away and I was at a bit of a loss for what to tell him, wanting to give him honest answers but not wanting to give him answers that would just confuse or frustrate him.  I told him that because Sawyer was dead his body wasn't alive anymore but that his spirit was in heaven with Jesus and that in Heaven Sawyer would have a new body.  This man took Sawyer's body to a place where they will gently clean him and wrap him and keep it safe.  Ugggh!  "Why hadn't I thought ahead to that possible question so I could have a better answer?!" 
Next he said, "Mom, I really wanted to have a brother to play with, I miss him."
"I do too honey, I do too", at least for that one I had an honest answer ready and waiting.

As I think back over Sawyer's birth I am filled with gratitude.  For me it was very different from what I had first planned.  However, it was a beautiful day and I am so thankful that I could give birth in the environment that was special and comfortable to me.  I am so glad that we could have our short time with Sawyer in our home.  I am thankful that I had a water birth so that as we waited for the photographer we could have that wonderful time just staring at little Sawyer in the water rather than being worried that too much time was passing before the photos were taken and he might not "look as good" anymore.  I am thankful for the feeling of accomplishment that comes from giving birth in this way and feel blessed to have had such a quick delivery right into my own hands.  I had no tearing and my physical recovery (engorged breasts aside) has been very good.  My home was filled with people who love me and I was able to rest and sleep in my own bed.  It was a day I will always treasure in my heart.

How you can pray for us today:
-Continued prayer that my milk would dry up as soon as physically possible (even sooner would be better:).  Tuesday night I noticed that although "they" were as full as they could possibly be I had no pain in them unless they were touched, this to me is a miracle in itself and worth mentioning as a praise.
-Hunter seems to be acting out more than normal.  We feel that it is either his feelings about Sawer dying or the fact that mom and dad haven't been as interactive with him lately because of all that has been going on (he has been spending more time with his grandparents that are here visiting with us).  Perhaps it is a both of both!

We are thankful for:
-I (Heather) have not had a SINGLE night of fitful sleep since I found out that Sawyer died, I have had NO dreams, just reastful sleep--that can only be because of prayer.  I typically have dreams almost every night and it usually takes me a long time before I am able to fall asleep.
-The amazing amount of prayer being said on our behalf, thank you SO much!
-The gift of meals that have been given to us so that we don't have to even so much as give a thought to what to make.
-Beautiful friends that are so willing to help out in any way that is needed.
-The oppertunity to learn more about trusting in God to take care of and guide us when the way seems unclear.
-The gift of a son named Sawyer Calvin Ledeboer that has touched the lives of so many people in such a short amount of time.

Comments

[Lois Lane]

What a beautiful story and wonderful way to remember Sawyer. I'm so glad you were able to remember all the things you wanted to do to capture his image and spirit. I'm so thankful that the good Lord has guided you the whole way. You are such a model of strength and maturity beyond your years. Thank you. God bless you, Heather.

[Rebecca]

Oh Heather. What a BEAUTIFUL birth story. Sawyer is beautiful. I just LOVE the photo of you and your husband holding him in your bed.

I am so glad you were able to give birth to him at home, on your terms. And I'm thankful for the time with him after the birth, that you gave your older children the opportunity to visit with him, that you had someone who could take photographs. (I am looking forward to seeing those that you wish to share.)

And I think the answer you gave to Hunter about "why that man took Sawyer away" was perfect.

I'll continue to pray. And continue to read, whatever it is you have to say. We love you.

[Laura @ Laura Williams' Musings]

Thank you Heather for sharing Sawyer's birth story with us. He's beautiful. I think you did fine with your answer to Hunter.

Have you tried cabbage leaves to dry your milk up?

I went in search of something to explain it better than I could:

Things You’ll Need:

Cabbage leaves

Step1 You can start by when your in the shower let the hot water hit your back and that will help the milk express so that your not swollen or engorged.

Step2 Then when you get out of the shower you would take a cabbage leaf from a head of ordinary cabbage that you buy in the produce department of your grocery store. You place one leaf in each bra cup. I would use a nursing pad as well just in case of leaking. I would suggest doing this at night so you don't have to worry as much.

Step3 You leave the cabbage leafs in your bra cups until the milk is dried up. You can change them if they get to wet depending on how much milk you have.

Your family is still in my prayers.

Many hugs,

Laura

[Jen]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful birth with us. You and your faith are truly an inspiration. We will pray for you, and remember Sawyer always.

[Stephanie]

Heather,
You tell the story of your birth so beautifully. I'm crying as I write this note to you and can only imagine the heartache you must feel.
God be with you an your family.

[Leslie]

I too used the cabbage leaves and it worked pretty fast along with a sports bra.

Lifting you up in prayer today. May you be filled with peace and comfort.

[Sara Reider]

Gasp... that was simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing your inspirational birth story with us.

I have never tried cabbage leaves - and a natural approach certainly sounds best to try first. If you don't mind an allopathic approach, Benadryl dries you up real fast.

Love and hugs,

Sara

[ingrid]

Thank you for sharing Sawyers birth with those of us you don't know - yet those of us who care deeply and continue to lift you in prayer.
Your faith and strength are such an inspiration.
You and your family continue to be in my prayers.
God bless

[grubmama]

I was reading this story with tears. I am so amazed by your strength. I was blessed to read your amazing home birth of your dear son, Sawyer. Continue to heal my sister.

[Melody Gross]

Thank you so much for sharing Sawyer's beautiful birth story. I love how God's hand was so very evident in your deciding to do a home birth. He is so faithful!! Continuing to pray for you and your family as you walk this difficult road.

Love and Prayers,

Melody

[Kristin]

Sawyer's life has touched so many of us and your candid, deep faith in our Lord is a such a testimony to me! I thank you for the transparency you have shown as you journey through this chapter of your life, as it allows us who may not 'know' you well to carry this burden with you and uplift you in prayer in order that our God can be your All in All. Sawyer's birth story is a beautiful one and I feel privledged that you were willing to share it with all of us. Thank you! I am praying that God will continue to cradle and surround you in His peace, grace, comfort and healing Love.

[dana]

wow.

i honestly had to pause for a minute when i got to the picture of you on the birthing ball. it was if i had to just sit and reflect what i had already read, and also prepare for what lied ahead. i'm sure that you experienced that same feeling several times during Sawyer's birth, with ten times more intesity.

thank you so much for sharing this with us, heather. your journey is one that nobody would wish for, however the grace with which you've handled your fate is truly astounding.

i'm not a "religious" person, per se, but after reading your blog, i can assure you that i will be reconsidering the role that faith plays in my life from now on.

it's strange to want to reach out and hug someone you've never met, but i sure have a strong urge to do that now.

love to you and your family.

dana

[Kristina B]

Thank you so much for sharing the story of your precious Sawyer's birth. I'm so happy and thankful that you were able to do it at home in a way that made you comfortable. Having done a home birth myself, I know how much more peaceful it is. I pray in the days to come you just draw on the strength God offers you and find comfort in Him.
As always, in my prayers.

[casual friday everyday]

I cry with you and for you. I am so thankful that you were given a birth experience that could still be so lovely but my heart aches for your loss. God is a good God and He is seeing you through...with your sweet son with Him. I know it still is such a painful thing not to have your son on earth with you, though.

[Shelli]

Thank you for sharing your most precious Sawyer with us. I pray for you and your wonderful family every single day. God joined all of together through Baby Sawyer Calvin. God Bless his sweet soul.

[Bliss]

It is SO amazing to me how God can use your precious baby Sawyer to touch SO many! Thank you for sharing your journey and your faith. Thank you for sharing Sawyer. Prayers for you and your husband and children will not stop. I feel a special need to pray for Hunter,as I have a 3 year old boy here at home.(((HUGS)))

[jessica]

Your writing is so peaceful. I am so impressed by the presence of the Lord everytime I am here. Thank you for sharing more of your story.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh Heather. I am crying the biggest tears ever. How beautiful and amazing for you to still have the homebirth you wanted. What a wonderful perspective you have on this all. You are amazing. Your story and Sawyer's story will live in hearts forever.

Steph

[Dee F.]

Thank you so much for sharing Sawyer's birth with us. I am happy for you and your husband that you were able to have a peaceful and prayerful experience with the midwife, your friends, and your family.
My prayers continue for all of you.

[ellinghouse]

Thank you so much for sharing your story...so beautifully. Thank you also for being specific about prayer, I will be praying for your needs in detail. Sawyer has an amazing family! A big virtual hug coming your way.

[Rea]

Thank you so much for sharing Sawyer's birth story with us. Your faith and strength amaze me. We will continue to pray that you continue to heal. God Bless you and your family during this difficult time.

Rea Atwood (Sarah Jean's friend)

[Robyn]

Thank you for sharing all you have with people you only know by internet, if at all. I was only expecting some small clips of what happened, not pictures and details. Thank you again for sharing your story. It was beautiful and we will continue to pray for you all!

Robyn

[Lara]

Heather,
I am a friend of Heather DeWitt. Thank you for shareing your birth story. Your stong faith is inspiring and I am so glad you were able to bring him into the world so peaceful and full of love. You write beautifully, and the pictures really capture the emotions you and your family were experiencing. You and Sawyer have forever touched my heart and soul.

[Kim]

Heather, you are giving a beautiful and powerful testimony with Sawyer's story. Thank you for sharing him with us - it is an honor.

We will continue to pray over your family.

[Laurie Gonzalez Milliron]

Heather,

Your birth story is beautiful. I am so glad that you were able to deliver at home and that you had some time to be with little Sawyer in a safe and comfortable place. Your strength is amazing to me. You are so inspiring and strong. I had the people at my church pray for you and I am glad that you are feeling comforted by the power of prayer. I will continue to pray for you and your family and ask that He continues to give you peace.

[Amy]

Sawyer is so beautiful!! What a gorgeous head of hair. He is perfect now rejoicing with Jesus. My daughter (who died at 2 days old) is with him showing him around and snuggling in our Savior's arms. I am lifting you up in prayer.
When my milk came in after my daughter died, my OB told me to (in addition to the cabbage leaves) wear a too-tight sports bra and even bind them up with an ace bandage. Uncomfortable, but helps.

[Alexia]

Thank you for having the courage to share Sawyer's birth with us. I am in tears, you did such a beautiful job. I'm so glad that everything went well and that you all will have such a great memory of your short time with Sawyer.

[Carey]

Thanks for sharing your beautiful birth story with us. Lifting you in prayers today.
p.s. those cabbage leaves really do work.

[Laura Hamrick]

Heather,

I have been sitting at my computer trying to come up with all I want to say. First, you inspire me. You inspire me to be a more faithful Christian, a better mother & wife, and a better person. Second, you amaze me in the way your words so eloquently describe your pain, your suffering, your joy and your beliefs. I feel them too when I read your posts. Please know that I am praying for you in the ways you request and I am holding you up. Much love to you and your family in the difficult time.

Sincerely,
Laura Hamrick

[Adia]

wow what a wonderful birth story! i came across your blog thru another blog and have been really moved by your journey thru all of this. i think you're doing a great job and i'm not sure i could have done what you've already done. truly inspiring stuff! i'm so happy to share my birthday with Sawyer! May 10th is a great birth date and i'll be sure to remember him each year. can't wait to see more pictures of your precious day with baby Sawyer.

[Jana]

I am still in awe of your incredible strength. Sawyer is so beautiful. When I was in your position a while back, there would be times when the only thing that would settle my pain would be to think about my angel watching over my family and I from heaven and thinking of my angel playing with other family and friends who had previously passed on. I am now thinking that maybe my angel welcomed your beautiful Sawyer into heaven. I am continuing to pray for you and your family.

[erin]

i cried from the first to last word. ur strength amazes me. i admit, i was silently hoping that some kind of miracle would happen and he would have opened his eyes or taken a breath. i think everyone did. not a day goes by that i don't think of u and ur situation. please know u will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Amy]

With every visit to your blog I am amazed at your candor and in tears. My heart hurts for you - You are in my thoughts and prayers throughout each day. May God continue to bless and comfort your family.

[christi]

Heather,

Thank you so much for sharing your beautiful baby Sawyer with us. Thank you for opening your life so that we can all witness what an amazing amount of grace our Lord has given you. You are truly a beautiful woman of God. I will be in prayer for you in the days and months to come. I will never forget you or your precious baby Sawyer Calvin.

I will pray for the requests you have made but will also pray that you will continue to lean on Him.

Grace be with you,
God bless you!

[Sarah W]

I don't even have the words Heather.....it's beautiful and sad all at the same time. I can't even imagine all the emotions that were felt. Thank you for sharing with us and sharing photos of your precious little one. May the Lord continue to bring you peace and comfort. You're in my thoughts and prayers!!!

[AmyG]

Heather, I had to stop reading this several times to wipes the tears from my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a personal story with us. Swayer is beautiful. I'm praying for you & your family, as you continue to heal & grieve.

[To Think Is To Create]

You are so incredibly strong, I'm humbled by it, really. Thank you so much for sharing this story. I hope and pray the peace continues. Thank you for telling us what specifically to pray for, too. It's nice to know your needs, even if I don't know you personally. Much love, sister.

`Arianne

[Aleisha Brixius]

Wow! What a touching birth story. I'm glad your birth went well. You are a strong and faith filled woman. I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

[Shannon]

Heather,

I woke this morning to a beautiful Texas sunrise. You are continually in my thoughts and prayers that God grant you the peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us in such an intimate way. If I lived near you I would bring a casserole and do the dishes in the true Southern fashion, but since I do not, you have today and will have for many days to come, my deep compassion and heartfelt prayers. I appreciate the dignity and tenderness with which you and your family have handled this. I pray that food will nourish your bodies, sleep will rest your minds, and that God will bring succor in the form of words, prayers, and visits. I pray that in the times when you feel the farthest from Him and your family, that God will whisper into your heart the comfort that only He can give. Having provided palliative care for members of my family, thank you for sharing this experience so that others can see Christ in each passing of life into eternity.
You have our thoughts and prayers,
Shannon

[Emily]

Thank you for sharing your story of sweet Sawyer's birth Heather. Reading it, I could really relate to so many of the things you said. It has been almost 3 years for me, but it seems like just yesterday. Your faith is amazing and I know that God will carry you through this and continue to give you His peace that passes all understanding. Lots of *hugs* to you and your family. I will never forget your sweet baby boy.

[Jamie Bird]

Eugene Peterson says:
“Everytime someone tells a story well, the gospel is served”

Thank you for sharing your story. I have to admit that I am not sure I would have the strength or the faith to do so. You inspire me. Your story has touched many lives already and will continue to do so. I mourn with you as you go through this time, and thank you for sharing Sawyer's story with us. He is a beautiful baby.

[Jessica]

My heart breaks for the loss your family has had to endure and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing.

[oh amanda]

I'm wiping the tears away, Heather. What a beautiful birth story. How perfect that you got to be at home with Sawyer.

Still & always praying for you and your family.

[Jeanna]

Thank you for sharing with me. As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Jessica Lim]

Dear Heather,

Thank you for allowing us to walk beside you on this difficult journey and for sharing Sawyer's birth story with us. God has already used Sawyer's life in such a powerful way to touch the hearts of so many. To God be the Glory! Your faith and strength have been a huge source of encouragement to me. My heart aches with yours and yet I cannot help but praise God as I read your entries because it is apparent that He is at work redeeming the pain for Good. I pray that God would continue to strengthen you, Trent, Ashlyn, and Hunter and fill your hearts with His peace and comfort.
And when you do grow weary, I pray that He will renew your strength and fill you up again.
Isaiah 40:18-31
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Know that you have brothers and sisters praying for you everywhere. Thank you for sharing Sawyer with us all!

In His Love,
Jessica
Boston, MA

[Chris]

Heather,
I have been praying for you and your family, and following your amazing story on your blog. I know I have never met you but I have been truly saddened and heartsick about this your situation. I also have been amazed and inspired by your faith and devotion to God. I have to say I was a bit anxious about reading your birth story because I was afraid I could not handle reading it or seeing the pictures, and I am just a outsider look in, but it was quite different from what I had anticipated and I'm so glad you were blessed to have this special sacred time on your terms with your family. It was a incredible gift for you to share such a personal moment, and I just wonder if what you have documented here won't help another person who must face a similar situation. I don't know why some of us are faced with such incredible challenges that seem insurmountable but I believe that God has shown through you that "I can do all things through him that strengthens me" Phil. 4:13 (I hope I have that right). As the mother of two little boys on the Autism Spectrum, my challenges I face are different, but you have helped me to renew my faith and strength in the Lord and to trust that no matter what we are called to do, we need to follow even if it is a road we would rather not travel. Thank you for showing us how to navigate that road.

[Chris]

Heather,
I have been praying for you and your family, and following your amazing story on your blog. I know I have never met you but I have been truly saddened and heartsick about this your situation. I also have been amazed and inspired by your faith and devotion to God. I have to say I was a bit anxious about reading your birth story because I was afraid I could not handle reading it or seeing the pictures, and I am just a outsider look in, but it was quite different from what I had anticipated and I'm so glad you were blessed to have this special sacred time on your terms with your family. It was a incredible gift for you to share such a personal moment, and I just wonder if what you have documented here won't help another person who must face a similar situation. I don't know why some of us are faced with such incredible challenges that seem insurmountable but I believe that God has shown through you that "I can do all things through him that strengthens me" Phil. 4:13 (I hope I have that right). As the mother of two little boys on the Autism Spectrum, my challenges I face are different, but you have helped me to renew my faith and strength in the Lord and to trust that no matter what we are called to do, we need to follow even if it is a road we would rather not travel. Thank you for showing us how to navigate that road.

[Chris]

Heather,
I have been praying for you and your family, and following your amazing story on your blog. I know I have never met you but I have been truly saddened and heartsick about this your situation. I also have been amazed and inspired by your faith and devotion to God. I have to say I was a bit anxious about reading your birth story because I was afraid I could not handle reading it or seeing the pictures, and I am just a outsider look in, but it was quite different from what I had anticipated and I'm so glad you were blessed to have this special sacred time on your terms with your family. It was a incredible gift for you to share such a personal moment, and I just wonder if what you have documented here won't help another person who must face a similar situation. I don't know why some of us are faced with such incredible challenges that seem insurmountable but I believe that God has shown through you that "I can do all things through him that strengthens me" Phil. 4:13 (I hope I have that right). As the mother of two little boys on the Autism Spectrum, my challenges I face are different, but you have helped me to renew my faith and strength in the Lord and to trust that no matter what we are called to do, we need to follow even if it is a road we would rather not travel. Thank you for showing us how to navigate that road.

[Chris]

Heather,
I have been praying for you and your family, and following your amazing story on your blog. I know I have never met you but I have been truly saddened and heartsick about this your situation. I also have been amazed and inspired by your faith and devotion to God. I have to say I was a bit anxious about reading your birth story because I was afraid I could not handle reading it or seeing the pictures, and I am just a outsider look in, but it was quite different from what I had anticipated and I'm so glad you were blessed to have this special sacred time on your terms with your family. It was a incredible gift for you to share such a personal moment, and I just wonder if what you have documented here won't help another person who must face a similar situation. I don't know why some of us are faced with such incredible challenges that seem insurmountable but I believe that God has shown through you that "I can do all things through him that strengthens me" Phil. 4:13 (I hope I have that right). As the mother of two little boys on the Autism Spectrum, my challenges I face are different, but you have helped me to renew my faith and strength in the Lord and to trust that no matter what we are called to do, we need to follow even if it is a road we would rather not travel. Thank you for showing us how to navigate that road.

[Chris]

Heather,
I have been praying for you and your family, and following your amazing story on your blog. I know I have never met you but I have been truly saddened and heartsick about this your situation. I also have been amazed and inspired by your faith and devotion to God. I have to say I was a bit anxious about reading your birth story because I was afraid I could not handle reading it or seeing the pictures, and I am just a outsider look in, but it was quite different from what I had anticipated and I'm so glad you were blessed to have this special sacred time on your terms with your family. It was a incredible gift for you to share such a personal moment, and I just wonder if what you have documented here won't help another person who must face a similar situation. I don't know why some of us are faced with such incredible challenges that seem insurmountable but I believe that God has shown through you that "I can do all things through him that strengthens me" Phil. 4:13 (I hope I have that right). As the mother of two little boys on the Autism Spectrum, my challenges I face are different, but you have helped me to renew my faith and strength in the Lord and to trust that no matter what we are called to do, we need to follow even if it is a road we would rather not travel. Thank you for showing us how to navigate that road.