Question and answer time by Heather Ledeboer

Our cement pad is now laid and drying. 
 
I have really enjoyed reading your comments the last two days.  "Me in South Africa" posted a comment Wednesday saying:

"Good morning Heather. Today we have the same process [having cement poured] happening in our garden. When we bought our house the concrete in front of our house was breaking up badly. My mom tripped in one of the cracks and almost got badly hurt in her fall. Yesterday we finally decided it was time to fix it - and as you rightly said, the foundations for this patch was never done properly - in some places only a cm think. We had the same preparation process happening here yesterday and today we are pouring the concrete. Thanks for the new lesson with regards to what is happening in my own backyard. If the cracks appear people can get hurt by our cracks... so better we build a good foundation into our lives and that of our families."

I thought this was a great insight about what can happen if we don't take the time to lay a good foundation.  Another comment that caught my attention was from Lori.  She said:

"Heather, I also have been reading your post for a while but have never left you a comment before. I am so sorry for your loss but I am so thankful that you are turning to Christ for comfort.  I have shared about you with a group of ladies that I have a bible study with and how much you have impacted my life. I also shared how I couldn't imagine living the path that God has you walking down. My very knowledgeable friend told me that God doesn't give the grace needed for the "what if's". God gives His all sufficient grace for the moment that we need it. It hit me like a ton of bricks (she has a way of doing that though). He is always laying the foundation and preparing us for the next step-even though sometimes we cannot see where our foot may land.  I will be praying for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your walk with all of us."

This is so true.  God gives us exactly what we need, when we need it.  Jen posted a comment saying,

"I'm not sure yet what I'm learning today, but I'm going to make that the focus of my day - thank you!  I just came across this quote and immediately thought of you : "When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be solid ground to stand on or you will be taught to fly." Thank you for your example of faith to us all and may God continue to watch over you."

Isn't that a great quote?  It gave me goosebumps and teary eyes to read it.

As I posted yesterday, I am finding that the days are starting to bring with them more and more moments free of pain.  A friend (Kristen) who also lost a child, told me just recently, "Time will help heal – that’s not to say it makes it “all better”. I learned to carry my loss and let it help shape me into a better person. I grew stronger. As you have so beautiful already acknowledged, you know there is no returning to normal.  It’s creating your new normal and learning new survival tricks – much like that of an amputee."  I like her analogy to an amputee.  Although (thankfully) I cannot fully relate to what it would be like to have physically lost part of my body, the pain felt in losing a child leaves me feeling like I am not the full and complete person I once was.  This is a strange feeling for me.  As a Christian, I feel like Christ should fill ALL the empty places in my life.  While it is true that there is a certain (very vital) emptiness that only God can fill, I have learned that there is also a place in my heart that can only be filled by Sawyer.  I likely will not ever be FULLY complete until I enter Heaven's gates.

Today I thought we could do something a little different.  I would like to open up the floor for questions.  Several of you have emailed me directly and asked me questions so I figure that there are questions some of you might have that I could answer for you.  You can ask about anything, questions about my pregnancy, Sawyer, his death, something related to helping a friend going through something similar, Mom 4 Life, me personally, etc.  Ask anything you like.  I will answer anything I feel comfortable addressing (and likely you know from my posts I am pretty comfortable with being open and transparent) in future posts.  I look forward to hearing what is on your mind.

How you can pray:
-Today I learned of a couple that lives in the area that just delivered their first baby (full term) and she was stillborn.  The mom has sisters that are pregnant and due very soon.  Please pray for God to surround them with comfort and the kind of support that they need for this very difficult time.

What I am thankful for:
-Oh!  I just heard a clap of thunder, how lovely, This is the first thunderstorm of the year (I just took the photo below from our deck looking into our backyard).  I love storms.  They always remind me of how small I am in comparison to the vast creation around me.

-This may sound trivial and if so, so be it but I am looking forward to the season finale of LOST tonight;)--yippee!

Comments

[Sara]

I've got a question I think you'd be a good one to answer.

My brother has a friend (a couple) that I've known all my life. I'm 15 years younger than my brother so I don't exactly share his friends but I like this couple. I don't see them often but tonight I was at my brothers with my kids and they were their playing with my kids. The man was so wonderful with the kids, like better than usual.

I know their story as well as I know my own but I had a clueless moment tonight. They had a daughter who was still born 6 years ago.

I asked if they had any children and they said yes a daughter, and I said how old is she and they said she'd be six soon, then to her father I said, she must REALLY love you, I bet she loves to play with you, neither of them said anything and it wasn't until then that I remembered what had happened to them and her.

I couldn't think of anything to say so I said nothing, which I know was wrong.

What would you prefere someone to say to you, that said something insensitive (not meaning too) about Sawyer, (Like forgetting you lost him or refering to him as alive). What would you like someone to say in that situation?

Once again you've been in my prayers. I'd never personally heard the name Sawyer before, last night at my son's Kindergarten Graduation a little boy named Sawyer graduated too, I thought of you and said a prayer.

We love you Heather.

[Bliss]

Hi Heather! You have been on my mind and heart SO much! I saw a baby girl a few days ago at a friends birthday party, she was only a few weeks old. When I saw her, I immediately thought of you and your precious baby Sawyer. For some reason I was really drawn to this baby. I was remembering the story you told of asking to hold the baby you saw at the gas station. I almost thought in some weird way, I should hold this baby for you. I asked the babies name, and got goosebumps when I was told the baby girls name was Sawyer! It's like there are little glimpses of him everywhere, I think the leaves from his tree are spreading fast...they seem to have made it to Texas. His story has touched so many lives...he has touched my life.

[dana]

ok...even though you didn't quote one of MY brilliant posts, i'll play along ;) (totally kidding!)

I've tried to get a feel for whether or not you're planning on trying for another baby. OBVIOUSLY it would be a while, if ever, until you felt comfortable enough to do so. But a couple things you have said have led me to believe the answer would be YES. (I almost feel guilty for asking that, but you've been so honest and open with your feelings, that I'm ok with you telling me that it's not a question you can answer at this time.)

Just wanted you to know how wonderful of a person I think you are, and even though Sawyer's time on this earth was entirely too short, he is lucky in that he will forever be a part of your family. Hunter and Ashlyn are blessed in this way, and any new addition would be too.

Hugs and love,
D.

[dana]

and P.S. :)

I'm not a LOST watcher, but two of my coworkers ARE, and they talk INCESSANTLY about it, so I thought I was safe in that I was done hearing about it for the day. And here it is AGAIN! haha

I'm glad you can wrap yourself up in something like that now...the Laker game was a PERFECT distraction for ME tonight, too!

xo

[Deborah Gardner]

At this point, do you feel this experience has been more of a blessing or a tragedy? Perhaps it is not so black and white--a lot of both--but I wonder about your thoughts on that.

My second question is, do you feel "chosen" and "choice"? I think you are both. :)

God bless you Heather!
Love,
Deborah

[Amanda]

Are you familiar with the Christian Band called Selah?? Angie whos husban Todd is a singer for the band.I have been reading their blog at http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

When Angie was about 20 weeks pregnant - they were told their baby probally will not make it when she is born due to kidney issues and a large heart. She was born in april and lived for 2 hours.

Now on Wednesday this week - Todds sister lost there 10 week old baby boy, they think it was SIDS. I wanted to share this with you so we can also pray for both of these families aswell. I read their blog and yours everyday and I sit at my desk balling. I have 2 children (7 year old daughter and 8 month old son)
When our son was born he had pnuemonia and spent a week in the NICU at UVA. I can not imagine the pain everyone that has lost a child most be going through. I did not lost my child and yet I hurt so much for all of you. I know the pain I feel is little in comparison to what you are feeling.

God bless all of you!

[Robyn]

Oh I LOVE thunderstorms too Heather...there is something about the dark sky being lite up by the lightning that I love. You have a great open view of incoming storms. We are suppose to get some tommorrow...keeping fingers crossed. lol
Sounds like your doing a bit better....we'll keep praying.

[M]

I was also wondering if you plan on trying again for another baby.

Thunderstorms scare me! We just had one a few days ago.

[kara]

oops i posted on the wrong day--
ignore my question on rock or sand day.

my question.
how is trent?
he had less of a connection to sawyer, than you did.
does he have supportive friends like you do?

[Amy]

My question is also how your husband is doing with the loss? Hold close. . .

[Tara R]

I'm so glad you are having some pain free moments.

My question: how have you been keeping up with your business during this time of loss?

And what is your most favourite thing to do with your girls?

[christy H]

Hi Heather, I dont have any questions but thank you for the thoughtful post. I love that quoet as well. God usually gives me wings and a firm place to step; heck, sometimes he even helps place my foot when I think I cant take another step in on my own. Its then that I realize physically and emotionally it is in HIS strength not my own. That is a very REAL and profoudn thing since with my illness taking steps has been very painful in the literal sense lately. :)

[melissa]

A few questions I have been wondering through all of this. How did you learn Sawyer no longer had a beating heart? Were you going for a regular check-up? Did you feel him stop moving? Did they think anything with your cord caused this? I hope you get the answers you are looking for......

I have never been more moved or touched in all 28 years. I never knew I could carry the pain of a a complete stranger with such intensity. I pray for you daily. I pray that your smiles come easier and your heart gets stronger. I can only imagine how the people in your life must feel. Wishing they could take this pain you are carrying away. I have known two people who have lost children. One cousin at two years old from brain cancer and the other a girl from high school, who had losses both pregnancies. I know one had said how much it helped to hear others stories, as it was these parents they could connect with most, since they understood the grief. And most importantly was remembering their children, not forgetting they were here no matter how short.

We are praying for you....Wish there was some magical words to help heal your pain, but only time can ease it. You said it well when you said you had to learn to live the new you with the loss you have suffered. I pray you find the way.

[bethany actually]

I just sent an email in response to your newsletter, and am skimming over some of your recent posts. You wrote that you feel as a Christian that all your empty spaces should be filled by Christ. I read that and thought, thank God that He understands what you're going through. After all, God hated death so much that he sent his Son to earth, who would weep at death (John 11:35), and eventutally die himself. God knows the pain of a son's death, and He weeps with you.

[Sara Reider]

Hi Heather!

I have a question for you. Since hearing about your story, I did some research and was very surprised to learn that stillbirth occurs in about 1 in 115 pregnancies in the United States. That means that every 20 minutes, a mother and father's lives are being tragically changed forever. I have two children and one on the way, and had absolutely no idea it was so prevalent (even though multi-causal).

I am in my 8th month and can't help but obsessively monitor every kick, movement or lack thereof. I feel moments of rushing anxiety when he's just sleeping followed by relief when he wakes up. And, I've only read your blog, having never experienced a loss personally. My question is, do you worry about how you will be able to get through and enjoy future pregnancies without constant worry?

Love & prayers from our family to yours...

[Toreta Miller]

Hello Heather, Wow! You have so much to read and respond to that I feel guilty adding to it. However, I cannot read about your recent loss without adding my deepest sympathy along with the others. I just had my 3rd child in February and your story makes me wake up and truly appreciate how fragile life can be and how blessed and thankful I am for my family. May the Lord be with you and yours during this time. We look forward to learning more of what caused this unfortunate event so that we may be more educated as to how to prevent future losses of other babies in this world. You are in our prayers.