What are you learning today? by Heather Ledeboer

Let me take you back to a moment in my childhood:

I was young, I don't know my exact age, but somewhere between the years of learning to dress myself and riding a bike.  I had a bad sore throat--the type were it is more appealing to spit into a bowl than to swallow.  We were at the Dr. office and he was going to do a throat culture.  Although I didn't know exactly what that was, it didn't sound like something I wanted to be around for.  Since leaving the office wasn't a viable option, I decided that if I could just fall asleep, that would be a good alternative.  I then proceeded to do my very best to fall asleep--quickly--before the Dr. returned to the room.  Unfortunately, I was unable to succeed in my quest and I was forced to face the throat culture in a fully conscience state.  It turned out I had strep throat and was prescribed some penicillin, which unfortunately, I mistook for a chewable pill (a mistake I have never since duplicated).

Yes this story has a point. . . hang in there and I will get to it.

On May 20th I wrote a post talking about how difficult it is to know how to answer the question, "How are you doing?"  Today I came up with what I think is a good alternative question to the more common "How are you doing?" and that is "What are you learning today?"  I think this question is better, much better.  It forces us to think of our day not ask something we react to or endure but instead something that takes an active involvement on our part.  It also makes us see each day as an opportunity for growth.  Do you like my idea?  Go ahead try it out, ask me what I am learning today. . .

You: "Ok Heather, what are you learning today?"
Me: "Oh thank you for asking!  Today I am learning about pain."
You: "Pain?  Oh, that doesn't sound too good."
Me: "Actually, I think it might be good, it is something I am still churning around in my head if you care to hear what I have formulated so far, you are welcome to sit a while and I will share it with you."
You: "Well I do have a few moments, tell me your thoughts."
Me: "I would love to."

Now here is where my childhood story fits into the big picture point.  Even as children we view pain as something to avoid, run from or even try to sleep through!  We don't view it differently as we get older, we just find new ways to numb it.  Several days ago my son Hunter hurt himself and I was explaining to him how God made our bodies in a very special way.  Our nerves tell our brain when we are in danger of causing damage to ourself and that message in our brain makes us know where our body is in danger and want to pull away from the source of pain.  I explained that the problem is not the pain, it is the cause of the pain.  The pain is actually a very good thing, we want the pain, without it we would unknowingly destroy ourselves.

Jumping forward to today: I was in my car sitting at a traffic light.  My eyes wandered to the driver of the car crossing through the intersection.  It was a man in his 30's.  My mind was suddenly jerked into a new direction of thinking and I was picturing Sawyer as a 30 year old man, strong, tall, dark hair tousled from the wind.  I was wondering if he was married, if he had children.  Wondering if he worked with his hands or went into an office and sat at a desk.  For a few moments the thoughts were bittersweet and then came the pain and then the tears. 
Me: "Oh God, this hurts, it hurts so much!"
God: "I know my beloved, I know"
Me: "Can you take the pain away?"
God: "I can promise you that your pain is not without purpose"

So I sat there in the car with tears bluring my eyes, thinking about the fact that pain aways has a purpose.  I thought about how instinctively we want to make the pain go away, fix it, heal it, numb it, ignore it, remove it.  I can fully appreciate the desire to remove pain.  Several times in the last few weeks I have thought to myself "Ok I get why people turn to drugs, alcohol, or any number of addictive behaviors when faced with the pain of death."  That allure of escaping the pain is admittedly tempting.  Unfortunately, most forms of escape bring with them a host of new problems that only complicate the situation even further.  So if I am in a situation where removing the pain is not an option and numbing the pain is not wise, that leaves me one option: face the pain.  Face the pain, look it in the face and say to God "Ok I am here, I don't want to be here surrounded by this pain, I want to run from it, but I trust you and I know you have a purpose for this pain, you can redeem all situations.  I am ready, lead me on the path to see your purpose.  Teach me everything you can through this, don't leave anything out.  Help me to learn everthing I can.  As long as I am going through this, let's make the most of it."

But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying "Your are my God!"  My future is in your hands.  Psalm 31:14-15

How you can pray:
-That my heart would be open to learn everything I can through this situation and God would redeem our pain for a purpose and point others to him.

What I am thankful for:
-Continued lessons learned.

Ok so let me ask you, "What are you learning today?"  I invite you to post your comments below.

Comments

[me in South Africa]

Wow!!! Can't say more. Hope you have a good day and that the lessons you learn today bring you closer to where you are going.

[Amy]

I pray that you learn so much more about yourself and your Heavenly Father - who loves you soooo much. He will see you through the pain!

[Anon.]

I would have to say that today I'm learning about forgiveness and trust (yet again). I'm finding it difficult to forgive someone important to me and also to have trust in that person again. It's a difficult and complicated thing, but I realised today that this lesson is very hard for me because I had the opportunity to learn it earlier and I didn't. I did as you said - I pushed it away because it was too painful to face head on. The first time the lesson was there for me to learn I ran away and have never looked back. But this time I can't run because I don't want to, I don't want to lose this person from my life. Living in denial wont make it go away, but perhaps finding forgiveness and trust will help me to find respect again. Now that I've written this down I'm feeling a little more clarity for the situation. Thank You Heather.

[Dee F.]

Today I'm learning that not all people are nice and that figuring out how to deal with someone who isn't nice is a hard lesson, especially when that person is a relative.
I am also re-learning a lesson that I keep reminding myself of.....I need to trust in God's plan. As I look back on the past, most of my frustrating "moments" have been when I have tried to be in control of the plan. I don't know why I keep trying to take control and doubt Him....I need to just give Him the control and trust that things will happen the way they are supposed to happen. When I do that, wonderful blessings come into my life. Some of them obvious at the moment, and others harder to see and appreciate until some time has passed.
I have been thankful to you, Heather for helping to remind me of this lesson. Reading your blog and being reminded of the power of strong faith and trust in God has been so helpful to me.
Thank you for continuing to write and for motivating me to really think about a lot of things lately that maybe I have been "running from".
Dee
p.s. I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. The tribute to Sawyer was just beautiful.

[Stephanie]

Today I am learning how to have faith. I've never really been very big on faith...in general. My family has been really struggling since October. Something happened yesterday that brought me to a little bit of a breaking point. When I hit that point, I found myself giving in to what little faith I had. Something worked.

Thank you Heather, what a great question.

[Jana]

I love this! I had a friend in college who used to ask me that question every time I saw him . . and I miss it. I'm going to link this to my sister so she can read it - her husband's brother and his wife were killed by a tornado on Friday when they were traveling from CO to KS to meet my sister's new baby for the first time. They pulled off the road b/c of blinding rain, not knowing they were directly in the path of a tornado. A freak thing, but we know God has a plan to use it. The funeral is this morning. I think my sister would appreciate your words today.

[Kristina]

Heather,
I just recieved an email from a friend of mine. She usually shares this link every year. She also lost her baby a couple of weeks before he was due. I wanted to pass this onto you, in hopes it may benefit you in some way. I will light a candle for the babies. =(

Sending my hugs,

http://remembering-our-angels.memory-of.com/About.aspx

[Carla S]

You have been finding a way to deal with an experience that unfortnately is not so "uncommon" but very often not talked about. You found the strength to not only talk about it but, to allow people inside your personal life and walk this journey with you. This is an exceptional form of courage and faith. I have learned today... although pain has a strong presence, faith and courage are stronger.

[Jess Hekman]

I really like that post. What a great idea to ask that question instead of "how are you doing?" I also really liked the part about facing your pain, that hit home for me because I am one who tends to bury my pain and try to forget about it.

Thanks for being real and for sharing your heart and your journey, it is touching.

[Emily]

Today I am learning about what really matters in life, and how precious my husband and kids are to me. I am learning that, in the long run, what really matters is how much time I spend with them and that I cherish them every day. I don't want to be one of those people who, at the end of their life, wish they had used their time differently. I want to enjoy every minute I have with my family and not give in to the "time-wasters" that are all around.

[Jenna]

i find myself in tears daily now as i read your posts. thank you for everything heather. i am sorry you were called to this journey of pain, but as you have said many times, god had a plan and he is using you in so many ways seen and unseen. i have shared this story with many friends and the impact continues to carry on with no boundaries. from state to state you are being lifted up in prayer and people's lives are being impacted. what a legacy you are leaving in this world!
my heart aches as well with the post by stephanie about the tornado. but i also rejoice in all the other posts where people are sharing what they have learned and how you have touched them or inspired them. you are being used!
as for me, i am with many of the others in that i have been brought to the table of some pains i have not wanted to deal with, but your strength is such an inspiration that i am seeking a renewed strength myself. my faith has diminished over the past couple years and it's time to turn a new leaf! thank you for inspiring me to do so.
and i am looking at my 11 month old daughter and my husband with much more appreciative eyes now. thank you!

[Jenna]

correction: the post by jana
and beautiful music you have playing!

[Jessica Lim]

Heather,

I say it again, it is *very* apparent that God is using you and Sawyer as a beautiful vessel to draw people closer to Him. He is redeeming your pain by using it to touch others so that ultimately they may be able to see Him and share in the gift of spending eternity separate from the pain of life this side of Heaven. God is saying "Well done my good and faithful Servant" to Sawyer today as He will say to you. He is able to redeem your pain because you continually choose to trust Him through it. So much easier said than done.
I am learning today that I have far to go in learning to fully trust God in every circumstance. I am learning that my pride, my fears, and my selfishness stand firmly in the way. Thank you for allowing God to use you to help me shift my focus from myself and back towards Him where it belongs.
I will continue to keep you and your family in my prayers, Dear Sister. Thanks for being a blessing to me!

[Lily Winnail]

Heather, with every post I read of yours, the more amazed I am. You write so beautifully, I just thank you again for sharing this with us. What a blessing and treasure you are. As many of the other bloggers, I find myself in tears while reading. I wish we could all take a little bit of the pain from you, and share the burden. I admire you for looking this pain in the eye and learning everything possible from it. I long for that kind of spiritual maturity, and I don't think it's possible without trials.
I am learning more about God's faithfulness today. His timing isn't mine, and as I wait on the Lord, I feel my strength renewed each day.

[Jen Dutson]

I'm not sure yet what I'm learning today, but I'm going to make that the focus of my day - thank you! I just came across this quote and immediately thought of you :

"When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen. There will be solid ground to stand on or you will be taught to fly."

Thank you for your example of faith to us all and may God continue to watch over you.

[kara]

i'm not sure what i should be learning today--still looking
but i do love some of the songs that play here so i'm making a new playlist.

[dana]

I feel like a kid in a classroom where the teacher has posed a question and I'm the only one who hasn't answered. :)

What have I learned today? I am LEARNING to deal with the fact that I can not control every situation, and those situations that are part of my life must be accepted for how they turn out, despite my lack of control. Easier said than done, of course...but I AM working on it.

I've loved reading all of the answers that have been posted thus far. Great idea, Heather...one I hope brings some pride to you for asking us to reach within ourselves to answer your query.

Thinking of you, as always...

[jennifer]

Today we found out that I am not pregnant, after going through a very expensive IVF treatment, and having lost two babies and my one fallopian tube in the last year. On top of that I found out that I have some abnormal cells and need a biopsy!

As I have been following your posts, reading about your family and Sawyer, I am beginning to believe in God again. For years I have been an "apatheist" and I blamed the circumstances. I now see how it has been MY response to events in my life and that I have chosen to be angry with God, avoiding the pain..rather than looking for God and seeking him in the pain.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful outlook and the way you have CHOSEN to take this journey.

[jennifer]

That should have said "the way you have chosen to face this journey that you didn't choose". Wanted to clarify....

[Lisa Akers]

I am so inspired by you and your faith. Each of your posts causes me to think a little deeper, a little harder. I am going to take this idea and begin to contemplate what we are learning. Plus, it's one more reason to engage other people in a meaningful conversation. We miss that!

[Laurie Neumann]

Heather,

What a powerful message, and timely for me. Last night, I was confronted with an issue that has been eating me up for years. It is still unresolved, as there are so many hurts and others involved. ANd now here it is again in the forefront.

I have told God how hard it is and how unfair I think it all is, and He has reminded me that He will never leave me or forsake me. Even when I feel others have.

Keep on trusting, that is what I need to do.

Thank you for sharing.

[Laurie Neumann]

Heather,

What a powerful message, and timely for me. Last night, I was confronted with an issue that has been eating me up for years. It is still unresolved, as there are so many hurts and others involved. ANd now here it is again in the forefront.

I have told God how hard it is and how unfair I think it all is, and He has reminded me that He will never leave me or forsake me. Even when I feel others have.

Keep on trusting, that is what I need to do.

Thank you for sharing.

[Jamie]

Thank you for sharing... You are so open and real. I pray for you daily and know God is holding you and your family close. You have inspired me, as well as brought me to tears with each entry!

I learned today that my friend lost her baby 6 months into her pregnancy. They induced labor and she will have it (they do not know the sex) sometime today... I know understand from your situation what she is and will be going through. Thank you for sharing.

God bless you and your family...

[Jennifer H]

I love it, Heather. From your post, I finally got a good feel of a concept that I've been trying to understand for a long time. I love learing about religions, spirituality, and philosophies. One of my favorite religions to read about is Buddhism - I've never been able to fully grasp why such a peaceful, beautiful, and happy religion could base so much of their teachings on 'suffering'. Like most, I've always avoided at all costs hurt, sadness, and suffering... I fear it. When you face it, engulf yourself fully in it, only then can you learn from it and grow. It must be a powerful feeling knowing that you can allow the most overwhelming emotion overtake you... and patiently await the teachings. Like holding your hand in fire - I wish somehow I could help lessen the pain for you.

[ingrid]

I'm a day late, but I wanted to share what I learned yesterday. I'm learning to face my fear of flying. My mom is in very bad health. She lives in Holland and I need to go see her. I'm scared to death to fly. Sound dumb? probably, but it's very real to me and it has stopped me from going to see her in the past. I learned today that the vast ocean that is between my mom and I is not what is keeping me from seeing her. It's my fear of flying. I learned that I have great friends that are helping me face my fear. Helping me see what I have to lose if I don't face my fear.
Thanks Heather, as always, your posts bring me to a place that I may not have visited otherwise.

[Rose]

I am learning to trust God with my child, and I am learning to think spiritually and eternally rather than physically.

[kara]

i'm learning
that my faith
as well as my house
need constant maintenance
in order to be clutter free-how i like it.

[Christi MacNelly]

What am I learning today? That I don't always except God's "way of escape" 1 Corinthians 10:13.

I don't always want to listen to Him when, for example, I am in a situation that I feel merits a bad attitude or not being a submissive wife or when I think I'm right and stand my ground...

Praise God for His mercy or I would be undone.

Thank you Heather for bringing this question to my attention. I should wake up everyday and ask "What am I learning today?" I should also ask God to show me what I need to learn.

Praying for you and your precious family. Hope you are "having a good day"!

Christi

[Jamie]

I am late but wanted to chime in because I love this post. Today I am learning to let people do things for me and accept that I cannot do it all.

Long story short, my son was hospitalized with RSV. Then I came down with it as well as my other son. Allowing church members to bring meals, my mother in law to clean my filthy house, and my parents came to help get the pool ready for the summer has helped me tremendously.

Other times when I have had a lot on my plate I try so hard to "do it all" that I (to my own detriment)end up being completely stressed out and in turn take it out on my husband or kids. I always felt like I was putting others out by asking for help. They did not mind helping, and it feels good to have all that out of the way so I can focus on healing. Oddly enough, allowing my in laws to help me is also mending a broken relationship and helping me see them for the great people they are.

[Lori Anne Mardis]

Ok, this is weeks later, but I still wanted to post, since I am trying to catch up. I have learned to love unconditionally, never settle, and always know there is a higher power that has a bigger plan for us all. You have a special place in heaven, Heather...I know you do. Just your faith alone and letting it be known to all that you are a follower and youhave given your life to God...whatever that may entail. God Bless You!