I expected the rain, but never anticipated the rainbow by Heather Ledeboer

So I have decided something.

There are times we may find ourselves on a road that seems narrow and difficult to walk on and if we had a choice, we would have taken the broad, easy road.  Our family has found itself on a road that I expected to be narrow and difficult, but I didn't know there would be so many beautiful flowers along the road.  I expected the rain, but never anticipated the rainbow. 

How can I possibly take in all the love that has been shown to us?  Each email, every comment left on our blog, the phone calls, flowers, prayers (oh so many prayers) . . . they are like being wrapped in a healing gauze.  Thank you.  Thank you for being the healing hands of love that reach out to us.  Thank you for being the flowers along the road and the rainbow in the stormy sky.

I was talking with my midwife on the phone tonight and we were discussing emotionally preparing for the birth of little Sawyer.  It is not what we originally had in mind, it will not be what we had wanted it to be when we envisioned being at this stage in pregnancy but it IS what we have now and this is our new reality.  It reminded me of when I was a little girl drawing a picture and would make a mistake.  I hated making a mistake, it seemed that the entire picture had been ruined.  My mom was great at helping me to find a way to turn that mistake into something pretty.  A smudge or stray line could transformed into a flower or climbing vine.  This world is not perfect nor are the people in it but our God is and he is able to take a situation that seems like a hopeless error and create out of it something beautiful and of new value.  God is a redeemer, He specializes in righting the wrongs and healing the broken hearted.  This gives me hope of a something greater than my pain rising from this in the end.

Today we decided to move forward with a plan of inducing the labor on Thursday with the thought of hopefully delivering Sawyer on Thursday or Friday.  We had planned to tell the kids today (5/6) about Sawyer but we didn't have the window of time that we needed when we were ready to do it so we plan to do it tomorrow (5/7).  As I mentioned in my last post, these two areas: the birth and telling our kids are the two areas of specific prayer that we would appreciate right now.

I hope in some small way I was able to convey to you how meaningful it has been to us (my husband and I) to receive your support though things even as simple as posting a reply on the blog.  May you be richly blessed.

Comments

[Kristen]

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers as today you tell your oldest children about the loss of their baby brother and tomorrow as you deliver your precious baby boy.

Through your words it is easy to see that you are an incredibly strong woman with amazing faith. My heart aches for you all.

Blessed be +

[Jill]

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. The Lord will continue to give you strength through this difficult time. My heart aches for you. Thank you for reminding us all to focus on the rainbows God gives us.

[Jennifer]

Heather, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of little Sawyer. My name is Jennifer and I'm with Now I lay me down to sleep. I know that you have my phone number from Sarah and please don't hesitate to use it if you need me to come to you to Photograph and document little Sawyer's time with your family. I will keep you all in my prayers. I pray for peace to be over you and your family in such a dark time. Please don't hesitate to call me, day or night. My phone is on for you. :)

[Elizabeth]

Praying for you. I's so sorry for your loss. May the Lord be with you.

[Susan (5 Minutes for Mom)]

Heather,

The Lord is shining through you as the blogosphere hears "the Peace of God which transcends understanding."

Susan

[Jamie]

Praying for you and your family during this time. Thank you for sharing so beautifully. God bless you and your precious family.

[Laurie Hadden]

I met you only once at mops,I am good friends with the Shaws. I want to say "thank you"for your transparency and sharing your raw emotion. By heart is broken for you. I have truly been praying for you and your family since I heard of the loss of your baby Sawyer. Especially tommorrow as you continue the process with your birth. Your faith is humbling.

[Deanna Hall]

Heather...many thoughts and prayers to you and your family. I can only hope that my small words bring some peace to your life. you are an amazing woman, you are strong, god bless you, baby Sawyer and your family.

Deanna
Alberta, Canada

[Wendy]

Heather, I just got the prayer chain emails and read your blog- as with so many others, my heart is aching for you and your family right now. Please know you are in our prayers and will be especially tomorrow afternoon. May God be your strength as you deliver your precious Sawyer. Psalm 73:25-26
Love in Christ,
Wendy & Lopez family

[Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)]

We are praying for you and I just posted about you too. I also posted the picture you have in this post. I hope that is okay. It is one of the most beautiful shots I have ever seen in my life and a wonderful memory of precious Sawyer.

[hazel]

Praying for you and your little ones today.

[Janel]

Praying for you and your family in NC.

[Blessed]

This is a beautiful post - I found you from a post the ladies at 5 Minutes for Mom put up. My heart breaks for you and I pray that you feel God close as you go through these difficult days.

[Frances]

Read your story on 5minutesformom - You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. My heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Chief Family Officer]

I just came over from 5 Minutes for Mom with my heart already breaking for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. You described my own emotions in your post breaking the news. I had two miscarriages before my kids were born and it was surreal how the loss of something that was not quite there could hurt so much.

I am amazed at your grace and peace during such a difficult time. (I, unfortunately, was anything but. So I am truly in awe.)

Of course, I pray for you as you tell your children, and as you go through with labor.

[Sarah]

My heart hurts for you and your family and I will be praying for you today.

[We are THAT family]

Praying for you...

[kara]

continuing to pray.

kara

[casual friday everyday]

My thoughts are with you today as you're being induced. I can't even begin to wrap my mind and heart around what it'll be like to deliver your son and hold him for the first and last time. I'm praying for you and your entire beautiful family. You have an army of love, support and prayers in the Mom Bloggers and I hope that brings even the tiniest bit of comfort to you.

[Tara]

Many prayers to you and your family today. You and your family are an inspiration to us all. God Bless little Sawyer.

[Kristina B]

You and your tiny one are in my prayers! (((HUGS))) and thinking of you.

[Angela]

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Angela

[Maria]

Heather, I cannot even imagine but your strength and faith shines through in your words. My kids and I will include you and your family including Sawyer in our prayers.

God bless u and your family.

[Belinda Abel]

Your faith and courage is an inspiration Heather. May God Bless and comfort you and yours, and may God Bless little Sawyer.
Belinda Abel

[Leah]

Heather, this is my first visit to your blog, and I just wanted to say I would be praying for you and your family as you go through this.

Leah

[Homemaker Barbi (Danelle Ice-Simmons)]

Dear Heather,
My family sends hugs for you and your family. You are in our thoughts and our hearts during this tough time. Your photos are beautiful.
Danelle Ice-Simmons

[Jennifer, Snapshot]

Heather--almost 6 years ago I went through this same thing. I had to deliver a baby early in my second trimester.

Having everyone reach out to me and send their support and share their own experiences was so helpful to me, so I know what you mean.

God ordained the experience, and in spite of the fact that I lost my baby boy, I wouldn't change it for the world.

[Debbie]

I am so sorry about your loss, may God have his hands upon you and your family and you feel HIS love. I am praying for you.

[Lisa]

This is my first visit to your blog. Please know that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. May God give you peace.

[Jenn in AZ]

I just clicked over here from Five Minutes for Moms. I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted you to know I will be praying for you and your family and will ask others to do the same.

[Raelynn]

Heather,

I wish I could reach through and give you a hug. I wish I knew what to say right now. I wish I wasn't reading what I just read...I just wish... :( I'm so very sorry, very sorry...I had no idea this had happened to you and your family. Bless little Sawyer and give you all the strength to move forward. You are in my thoughts and prayers...Let me know if you ever need anything at all!

Raelynn

[Tina]

That you can write such lovely, hopeful words in the face of sadness...I admire you. Many blessings to you and your family.

[Chris]

Oh Heather,

I just saw the post on 5 minutes for mom, and my heart physcially aches for you and your family. There are no words, nothing that can help ease your pain.

I'm so glad your faith is so strong, because you know God will carry you through, just like the "Footprints" poem. You are an amazing person, I can see this just from the one post I have read here. I will pray that God's grace will embrace and lift you and your family up into his loving arms. I will pray that your faith in him will be the glue to mend your broken hearts.

Oh nothing I'm writing here seems to be right or enough. Please know that I will keep your and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I'm just so sorry...

[Kalisha]

You are an inspiration to me and I wish your family well. Sending you peace and prayers from CA.

[Heather]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Your children are blessed by your inner beauty and the new
Angel watching over them.

[Barb]

We don't know each other - I'm not even quite sure how I found your blog but I will be praying for your family during this very sad time. Sincerely,
Barb

[Gina Mills]

Heather,
I admire your strength and courage in walking this rocky road that has been set before you. Your ability to welcome God with open arms and your choice to walk with him is incredible and admirable.
Sawyer was so lucky to have you as the "chosen one" to cradle him and carry him in your womb.
All my prayers are with you and I wish for you only sunshine and warmth at the end of the tunnel.

[Mary Gonzalez]

Heather,

I am Maggie's sister. She told me about what had happened. I am so sorry for your loss. I just want you to know that I have been praying for you and your family. Keep looking to Jesus for comfort. Read Revelation 21:4, one day you will see your little boy again and there will be no more sorrow.

With Love,
Mary