Q: Please share the trial, set back or loss you have experienced:
In 2001 I was 6 months pregnant and developed severe pre-eclamsia, and to save my life, my child, who weighed less than 2 lbs, had to be delivered prematurely by emergency Caesarean Section . While I recovered in a couple of days, my son was extremely fragile and struggling to survive. If things were not bad enough, three weeks later, his hospital lost power including all his life-support machines due to Tropical Storm Allison that flooded Houston and shut down the generators of the entire hospital. We (myself, my husband and the reduced hospital staff) kept him alive "by hand" for 9 hours until he was evacuated to another hospital. Many things went wrong, and he was hospitalized for 5 months. For 155 days I had to leave the hospital without my baby after giving birth, and knowing that he needed me to feel secure and protected in an environment that was foreign and frightening even for me. I felt helpless and impotent. I thought that I could not do anything to help my child. My heart and soul shattered every time I watched my son in pain, with needles, tubes, tape, and monitor probes covering his tiny face and body.
I have always been fascinated about how mothers can soothe their small child's pain with a kiss and a touch and I assumed that my child could not be much different; sure, he was small, but he was a child and I was his mother. I wanted so bad to soothe his pain and the fear he could have for being alone or unprotected (feelings I would have if I was in a hospital hurting alone). I wanted so bad to help him!! I hated my inability to give him a
healthy start - no matter how many times the doctors told me it was not my fault or that it was not that bad since he did not know any different. I felt so bad knowing that, probably, my child's worst days of his life were how we welcomed him to this world.
At the time, I owned an engineering consulting company and I took a leave of absence so I could be there for my child, and I was in the hospital at least for 10 hours a day. I started interacting with the nurses, asking questions, learning about ways I could help my son. The first lesson from the nurses was about how to use my hands to comfort him so I developed what I would later call "the Zaky", a pillow that had the shape of my hand (I used a garden glove), that smelled like me (I slept with it on my chest), and had some weight to it to give my child some boundaries and help him think that I was there at all times. It made a difference for me every time I had to leave his side, and the nurses told me that it definitely made a difference for my child when I was not there.
I saw many things in the hospital that were donated "in memory of" and the name of a baby, and I was horrified of the possibility of loosing my child.
Every day I prayed and promised to help babies if our son could come home alive with us. I wanted the opportunity to help them ON BEHALF of our child and not in his memory.
Q: Despite the pain you have endured, what beauty have you seen come out of this?
In a nutshell, my child is healthy and we are very close, I have a beautiful family, and I found my purpose in life helping babies, their families and those who care for them. Our child came home still very fragile, with a tube through his nose (that I learned to insert), oxygen, monitors, and medicines. I was so thankful for having my child at home that I started thinking about ways to help other babies. I wanted to find something that would at least help one family; if I could improve the quality of life of at least one baby, maybe one that was never visited or touched, or one that was extremely ill and mom wasn't allowed to touch... I had to pay my promise! A couple of days later, a nurse from the hospital called me to see if I would make more "hands" for other babies. I had a wonderful moment - I found the way to help babies!! My mom and I made a couple of dozen, and I started my 3 year-research/design/test project to improve
the Zaky
to make it the way it is now. One size fits all, antiallergenic, antimicrobial, antifungal, washable, durable, flexible, safe, etc - to be used even with the smallest and sickest of the patients, in an environment that is strictly controlled.
One of the first facts that I learned is that the womb fills 4 basic needs: oxygen (breathing), warmth, nutrition, and protection. If the baby lacks the ability to do any of the first 3, the baby is hooked to a machine or the baby dies. For breathing they have the ventilator, for warmth they have incubators, and for nutrition they use an IV or tubes to the stomach. What about protection? That is how the parents come in - they need to provide the protection because the medical personnel is caring for the rest!! It all made sense, so I continued learning about the importance of bonding, transitional items, boundaries, positioning, pain management, child development, etc. With the help of many parents, health care professionals, and other ergonomists, I finalized the design and the Zaky is what you see today.
In 2004 I started offering it to other hospitals and then the nurses wanted them for their own children at home. Now the Zaky is not only used in hundreds of hospitals worldwide, but it is a favorite item for baby showers and healthy children at home and in child-care. The Zaky is also used to comfort and help special needs children of any age, and children that have to be away from their parents even for a couple of hours or days (military families, cancer/burn patients, or children of working/traveling parents).
It is very rewarding to see how the Zakys help thousands of sick and healthy babies and their families worldwide everyday. In May, 2005 I also had the incredible honor to receive the "Motherhood: Lifetime Achievement Award" by the Texans Can! Academy. This award is presented to exceptional women to honor their commitment to the community, while keeping their privilege of being a mother as first priority.
the Zaky
has received numerous awards (Gold Award by the Family Review Center, one of the Iparenting Media's Best Products Award in the Gift Category, etc.) because the Zaky "stood out as one that deserved great admiration, for its distinct design, appeal, and purpose".
By far, the largest reward is the opportunity I have every day to see my child's eyes and smile. What a blessing!! From the Zakys, the biggest reward is to receive emails, letters, pictures, and phone calls from mothers and nurses thanking me for creating the Zaky and telling me how the Zaky has touched their
lives. I also receive emails from moms whose babies unfortunately have died, and one that stands out and that made me cry is from a mother that told me that she buried her baby with one Zaky (symbolizing that a part of her will always be with her baby) and that she kept the other because it had the scent of her her baby and it was the item that helped them feel close to each other.
Q: To what or to whom do you credit this beauty?
God and health care professionals that saved my child's life, the strength/support/patience/encouragement and love of my husband, my love for my child, the nurturing, compassion and tenacity traits that I learned from my mother, my uncle's generosity, all paired with my hard work, perseverance, and even some
stubbornness(!).
My mother, a PhD herself, promised me that someday I would understand the purpose of the sacrifices I made to achieve my goal of receiving a PhD in engineering (like spending long nights and weekends studying instead of having fun with my friends) and of each lesson I learned working in engineering and construction of refineries and power plants learning about projects. And as much as I "hate" to admit it ---- MOM: YOU WERE RIGHT!!
All gave me a solid foundation and God helped me put everything together to help babies and families and those caring for both.
Q: What advice or wisdom do you wish to share with others having been though this experience?
A couple of things come to mind:
- Information is power. Read, learn, ask, study, look for answers and it will empower you in ways that you won't believe!!
- Surround yourself with positive people - don't let others drag you down. You must take care of yourself to care for others.
- Children need their mothers, especially those experiencing pain or that are feeling unprotected. You are also your child's voice and advocate - use that right responsibly.
- If your child is hospitalized, then be a family in the hospital. Visit, touch, pamper, and talk to your baby as much as you can. Hold him/her on your chest so she/he can feel your warmth, heart beat, breathing and voice she/he felt in the womb.
- Also, help your child and one more. It will lift YOUR spirit!
Q: If someone else reading this is going though something similar, do you have any resources to recommend they look into further for help or support?
Ask. Know when you need help or a shoulder to cry on, and ask for it.
Read. Someone has written about what you need to learn. Ask the health professionals for references.
Segregate. Use your judgment and opinions of the experts you know to learn what information is useful and what is not.
Reach. Everybody finds a different support system and different ways to cope. Find what works for you - talk to a friend, family, or find a support group.
Help. I always find time to talk to mothers/fathers that want to talk to someone that "has been there" and need someone that understands the pain and their uncertainty. It helps me tremendously to help others!
Believe. I had a small sign at my home that said: "At the end everything will be OK. If is is not OK, then it is not the end." That helped me tremendously.
Faith. Need I say more?
I don't know about you, but I adore fall - I love the weather, the beautiful colors, the smell - just everything about the autumn season. One of our favorite family traditions is a visit to the apple orchard. I grew up in Washington State - which is apple country, so maybe that is part of it... Now that we are in the Midwest finding a fun orchard is a bit more challenging, but still worth the effort.
